I've been feeling really down lately about the fact that there seems to be such few gentlemen and real ladies left in this world. It might be because I'm in the middle of a divorce. But maybe not. It seems that kindness just isn't out there anymore. I do have to note that my best friend has been suddenly experiencing some amazing random acts of kindness from strangers and it gives me hope. However, I still have to say what I have to say.
It seems lately that men in very large trucks take to tailgating. I used to be quite the speed queen but since having a baby I tend to go the speed limit. Note that I did NOT say under. No, I go the speed limit, sometime a bit over. And lately I've been seriously tailgated by men in large trucks as if they're trying to intimidate me to go faster. I've also notice that fewer men hold doors open, wait for a woman, allow a woman to go first, and whether or not you're a feminist you have to admit that having men be gentlemen, rather than the rude, arrogant jerks that are flourishing out there, it just seems we're missing something.
But this applies to women too. Why aren't there more ladies out there? Real classy, modest women. Women that don't have to have their cleavage in your face to be seriously attractive. Women who are elegant and sweet and kind. I might be alone in this, but I think that this new society sucks.
Women actually purposely chase married men. And married men eat it up. I know from my own experience. A married woman friended me on facebook because she said she was in grade school with my soon to be ex. Thing is, she was chasing him. She was married. He was married. How incredibly snakish is that? For the record, I called her on it. Because that's who I am. She bit back at me and I didn't care. She was dead wrong. Of course, so was he. But why is this going on these days? Even men who claim to be Christians have less integrity than they should have as sons of God.
I'm just so disheartened by it all. That's not to say, though, that gentlemen don't exist. I know they do. I have gentlemen in my life that are kind, considerate, helpful, and they have integrity. But they are few and far between. I think it starts on the homefront. Women, if you want your daughter to be modest, classy, kind, it starts with you! Are you modest? Are you classy? Are you kind? If you say no, well, what do you expect from your daughter. Men, if you want your son to treat women right, to have integrity, to be gentlemen, first look at yourself. How do you treat your wife? Are you a gentlemen? We need to lead by example and the problem is that more and more I see people essentially saying to their kids- do as I say and not as I do. Well, of course that doesn't work!
I hope we are striving to make a difference, and more importantly, to be different.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Death of a Marriage
After months of living in St. Louis and struggling against old habits, Robb has decided to leave our family. It's heartbreaking. Fortunately, I have God guiding me through, holding my hand, and collecting my tears. And givng me amazing joy in the middle of the biggest and baddest storm I've ever faced in my life.
The second I met Robb there were stars in my eyes. I fell hard and fast for this man and all I wanted to do was to take care of him and love him. I knew he was the one I would marry. I saw what everyone else saw in him- a man who was struggling against his past and forging a new future as a Christian man. A man who loved his daughters and was amazing with children in general. A man who was the life of a party, a social butterfly who had to greet everyone at church on Sunday mornings. He was a joker, a prankster, and probably the coolest guy I'd ever known. So when this man turned his attention on me, I was shocked, amazed, and the most excited I'd ever been in my life. But I also saw another side to Robb, one that most people never get to see. I saw a soft man, a tender heart. A man who teared up at stories of courage and overcoming odds. A man who would pull me into an embrace when he knew how much I was struggling with my own demons. Robb continued to struggle with his own demons, but hid well just how giant those demons were. Two years after meeting, we were married. We've been married for a little over 3 years now. In that time, there has been a lot of heartache. Struggles. Temptations. And now, the impending end to a marriage I believed would last forever.
It has been since he made his announcement that he intended to leave that I realize just how deep is my love for him. Those that know and have known about this situation offer various versions of support. Some say good riddance, he doesn't deserve you, you're better off without him. Others say, he'll regret it forever (and I've said this one too), move on. All hope is gone that this marriage could make it. Even I have lost hope, mostly because Robb has made it clear he has no intentions of returning. Perhaps he has another woman in his life now. Perhaps it's just another demon- old or new. Either way, the one thing I would want people to understand is this- my love for Robb has been unconditional. No matter what pain he has caused me, the power of my love was greater. Yes, he would hurt me worse than anyone before in my life has hurt me. But still, I saw this man that needed to grasp God's love for him and I would choose unconditional love, hoping he'd see a glimpse of God's love through me. I got the struggles he faced. I knew what was happening. And I still loved him. Unconditonal love is exactly that- unconditional. My love has never ceased, no matter what was happening.
Sure there were times I wanted to kick him to the curb, where my anger was so great that I considered all sorts of things. To my everlasting shame, I even considered having an affair to get back at him for the pain I'd felt every time I would find more messages to other women. Unconditional love sees past all of that and keeps loving. I've heard some women say it's stupid to keep loving him. I've been told that to my face. I think the deepest cut came from my own Aunt. Upon learning Robb had left she emailed me to say, "I'm so glad you're ending the farce." As if these 5 years of love, pain, struggles, fighting for our family, anger, tenderness, the birth of a child, family illnesses, were all nothing but fake. I can tell you with all of my heart, the friendship, the laughter, the love, the tears, the hurt, every single bit of our marriage was anything but a farce.
I am devastated. Only a few of friends, my mother, mother-in-law, and brother seem to really care about what I'm going through. It's as if all others have already swept our marriage into a garbage can. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the line, "Well, I'm not surprised." Perhaps not. But I am. I waited and waited for Robb. I watched most of my friends marry and/or have babies while I remained all alone. I knew when I met Robb that I was supposed to marry him. I can also tell you, this is not how our story was meant to end. The choice he has made is the wrong one. From conversations with him, I think he knows it is. But he has made up his mind and I'm left trying to figure out how you turn off unconditional love, when by it's very nature, there isn't an "off switch". In the weeks leading up to this decision I would try to tell friends and family that I needed to get out of this marriage, that it needed to be over, and I even had a plan. The truth is, and this is true about me more often than not, I tend to say things to others to convince myself of it, as if somehow I can say something enough times to accept it, believe it, and/or do it. What I really wanted, and what I really hoped for was that Robb would come home and get the help he needs to overcome his issues. While others may have given up on him, I didn't, I haven't. I still hope for him that he will finally get God's immense love for him. A love that says, "I have seen the deepest darkest corners of your mind and heart. I know the very worst that is in you. I know the worst things you've ever said or done. And I still love you and want the very best for you. I know everything about you and if you were the only person on the planet I would still have sent Jesus for you. I did send Jesus for you. If you would give me the worst part of you, I'd replace it with the best part of Me." Someday, I hope Robb gets it.
So, I put one foot in front of the other, place a perfectly sweet smile on my face that is sometimes real and other times not so much, and I am moving forward. I have no idea what direction or what is ahead for me because I am in the darkest valley of my life. But I've slipped my hand into my Daddy's hand and He is walking with me on a road full of anguish and heartache, and I know that up ahead, somewhere just beyond what I am able to see, there are green pastures full of blessings and joy I cannot even imagine. I'm going there. I have no idea how long it will take but in the meantime, I will focus on the One that will never leave me.
The second I met Robb there were stars in my eyes. I fell hard and fast for this man and all I wanted to do was to take care of him and love him. I knew he was the one I would marry. I saw what everyone else saw in him- a man who was struggling against his past and forging a new future as a Christian man. A man who loved his daughters and was amazing with children in general. A man who was the life of a party, a social butterfly who had to greet everyone at church on Sunday mornings. He was a joker, a prankster, and probably the coolest guy I'd ever known. So when this man turned his attention on me, I was shocked, amazed, and the most excited I'd ever been in my life. But I also saw another side to Robb, one that most people never get to see. I saw a soft man, a tender heart. A man who teared up at stories of courage and overcoming odds. A man who would pull me into an embrace when he knew how much I was struggling with my own demons. Robb continued to struggle with his own demons, but hid well just how giant those demons were. Two years after meeting, we were married. We've been married for a little over 3 years now. In that time, there has been a lot of heartache. Struggles. Temptations. And now, the impending end to a marriage I believed would last forever.
It has been since he made his announcement that he intended to leave that I realize just how deep is my love for him. Those that know and have known about this situation offer various versions of support. Some say good riddance, he doesn't deserve you, you're better off without him. Others say, he'll regret it forever (and I've said this one too), move on. All hope is gone that this marriage could make it. Even I have lost hope, mostly because Robb has made it clear he has no intentions of returning. Perhaps he has another woman in his life now. Perhaps it's just another demon- old or new. Either way, the one thing I would want people to understand is this- my love for Robb has been unconditional. No matter what pain he has caused me, the power of my love was greater. Yes, he would hurt me worse than anyone before in my life has hurt me. But still, I saw this man that needed to grasp God's love for him and I would choose unconditional love, hoping he'd see a glimpse of God's love through me. I got the struggles he faced. I knew what was happening. And I still loved him. Unconditonal love is exactly that- unconditional. My love has never ceased, no matter what was happening.
Sure there were times I wanted to kick him to the curb, where my anger was so great that I considered all sorts of things. To my everlasting shame, I even considered having an affair to get back at him for the pain I'd felt every time I would find more messages to other women. Unconditional love sees past all of that and keeps loving. I've heard some women say it's stupid to keep loving him. I've been told that to my face. I think the deepest cut came from my own Aunt. Upon learning Robb had left she emailed me to say, "I'm so glad you're ending the farce." As if these 5 years of love, pain, struggles, fighting for our family, anger, tenderness, the birth of a child, family illnesses, were all nothing but fake. I can tell you with all of my heart, the friendship, the laughter, the love, the tears, the hurt, every single bit of our marriage was anything but a farce.
I am devastated. Only a few of friends, my mother, mother-in-law, and brother seem to really care about what I'm going through. It's as if all others have already swept our marriage into a garbage can. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the line, "Well, I'm not surprised." Perhaps not. But I am. I waited and waited for Robb. I watched most of my friends marry and/or have babies while I remained all alone. I knew when I met Robb that I was supposed to marry him. I can also tell you, this is not how our story was meant to end. The choice he has made is the wrong one. From conversations with him, I think he knows it is. But he has made up his mind and I'm left trying to figure out how you turn off unconditional love, when by it's very nature, there isn't an "off switch". In the weeks leading up to this decision I would try to tell friends and family that I needed to get out of this marriage, that it needed to be over, and I even had a plan. The truth is, and this is true about me more often than not, I tend to say things to others to convince myself of it, as if somehow I can say something enough times to accept it, believe it, and/or do it. What I really wanted, and what I really hoped for was that Robb would come home and get the help he needs to overcome his issues. While others may have given up on him, I didn't, I haven't. I still hope for him that he will finally get God's immense love for him. A love that says, "I have seen the deepest darkest corners of your mind and heart. I know the very worst that is in you. I know the worst things you've ever said or done. And I still love you and want the very best for you. I know everything about you and if you were the only person on the planet I would still have sent Jesus for you. I did send Jesus for you. If you would give me the worst part of you, I'd replace it with the best part of Me." Someday, I hope Robb gets it.
So, I put one foot in front of the other, place a perfectly sweet smile on my face that is sometimes real and other times not so much, and I am moving forward. I have no idea what direction or what is ahead for me because I am in the darkest valley of my life. But I've slipped my hand into my Daddy's hand and He is walking with me on a road full of anguish and heartache, and I know that up ahead, somewhere just beyond what I am able to see, there are green pastures full of blessings and joy I cannot even imagine. I'm going there. I have no idea how long it will take but in the meantime, I will focus on the One that will never leave me.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Anxiety that Drives Me to Eat
Let me start by admitting that I have not started Weight Watchers again. Yet. And I stress, yet. Instead, I've been working on my attitude toward food. Namely- the anxiety that drives me to eat. I have it bad. I get anxious about something- good or bad- and I just have to eat. I imagine my anxiety eating, hereinafter referred to as "anxieteating", would be akin to a smoker's cigarette. It's the only thing that will calm the nerves. It's awful. So, I started asking myself this question- "Will I regret that I didn't eat this tomorrow, or will I regret that I did?" It's amazing how that question can truly stop me in my tracks and it's as if I'm thinking for my future, rather than my present state of mind.
On the scale-front, no clue where I am, poundally speaking. I don't care. I go on vacation next week for a whole week and I refuse to start a weight loss program right before that. I don't anticipate eating myself stupid or anything. But, I'm not going to feel guilty about not point counting. However, upon my return I am immediately restarting Weight Watchers.
So that's what's going on here. If anyone wants to join me, feel free. I'd love to have the company.
On the scale-front, no clue where I am, poundally speaking. I don't care. I go on vacation next week for a whole week and I refuse to start a weight loss program right before that. I don't anticipate eating myself stupid or anything. But, I'm not going to feel guilty about not point counting. However, upon my return I am immediately restarting Weight Watchers.
So that's what's going on here. If anyone wants to join me, feel free. I'd love to have the company.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Walkabout
Hi, it's me! Yes, here I am posting again. I know it's been a while. I can tell you that I am just about 10 pounds under where I started previously. I haven't necessarily been watching what I eat. In fact, I gained those 10 pounds back and have only lost them due in part to a bout of food poisoning and due in further part to the amount of stress I've been under. No matter. I figure since I'm back to where I sort of gave up before, now is the time to get myself back on track. I have finally figured out a schedule, more or less and it seems to be working for the most part. I've gotten used to Robb being home 3 nights a week and spending 1-2 nights a week away from home. So, I think I've settled enough that I can get myself back on track. Not to mention, I've been really itching to cook again. I miss cooking. I love cooking.
It's not the new year. It's no special occasion. I just feel ready to get back on track. I want to start walking with Lainie in the evenings. My M-I-L has said that when we stay with her, now that the weather is getting nicer (with the exception of today which is a cold, wet disaster of a Spring day) we can start walking together. I need to add some movement to my life. I have honestly kicked my Facebook (read: Farmville, Treasure Isle) habits. I just got to this point where I stopped caring about them and that helps get me moving. Plus, we don't have a computer at the house unless I remember my laptop and quite frankly, I don't want to.
This weekend I'm going to Quincy to see the fam and to have some major Princess Time with the Bestie. It's going to involve some Hannibal-antiquing which is always good, clean fun. Not to mention, it requires a lot of walking. See, it's good for me!
So Happy Monday (just pretend) and have a Jolly Week!
It's not the new year. It's no special occasion. I just feel ready to get back on track. I want to start walking with Lainie in the evenings. My M-I-L has said that when we stay with her, now that the weather is getting nicer (with the exception of today which is a cold, wet disaster of a Spring day) we can start walking together. I need to add some movement to my life. I have honestly kicked my Facebook (read: Farmville, Treasure Isle) habits. I just got to this point where I stopped caring about them and that helps get me moving. Plus, we don't have a computer at the house unless I remember my laptop and quite frankly, I don't want to.
This weekend I'm going to Quincy to see the fam and to have some major Princess Time with the Bestie. It's going to involve some Hannibal-antiquing which is always good, clean fun. Not to mention, it requires a lot of walking. See, it's good for me!
So Happy Monday (just pretend) and have a Jolly Week!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Bad Girl, Bad Girl, Whatchya Gonna Do?
Bad. I've been bad. I got off track last week due to some pretty heavy stressors and just can't seem to get back on track. I want to. I think not getting back on track has been a combination of coming down with a chest cold (which equals exhaustion and not really caring about things) and not having healthy food around the house. I've needed to grocery shop for a while now. I've been avoiding life since stress came.
The thing is, I hate the way I feel when I'm eating what I want. Don't get me wrong- I'm not gorging myself or anything. I notice I actually can't eat as much as I could before starting WW. But physically, I don't feel good and I'm not talking because of the cold. I just feel heavy and tired and poopy. That's a good way to describe it- poopy! I'm glad to see this difference though because it is quickly driving me straight back into the WW-loving arms. Robb is grocery shopping as we speak and on that list is nothing but the veggie goodness I need to have on hand. I will get better. I'm not giving up. Too many important reasons to do this- the first of which is Lainie Lou.
Feel free to keep me accountable!
The thing is, I hate the way I feel when I'm eating what I want. Don't get me wrong- I'm not gorging myself or anything. I notice I actually can't eat as much as I could before starting WW. But physically, I don't feel good and I'm not talking because of the cold. I just feel heavy and tired and poopy. That's a good way to describe it- poopy! I'm glad to see this difference though because it is quickly driving me straight back into the WW-loving arms. Robb is grocery shopping as we speak and on that list is nothing but the veggie goodness I need to have on hand. I will get better. I'm not giving up. Too many important reasons to do this- the first of which is Lainie Lou.
Feel free to keep me accountable!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
That Scale Jumped Up
To say that last week was a really rough week for me (and I'm speaking in terms of WW week, not a regular week) would be an understatement. It wasn't rough. It was finding yourself smack dab in the eye of a hurricane rough. Plus, it was super hectic. Run here, get there, do this, don't forget that. Lots and lots of stuff. I'm not having a pity party- I promise! What I realized is, this is just how life tends to go. Pretend I'm a super thin woman that has never once had to worry about weight and going through my week. She might snack a bit here and there and gain a pound or 1.4 to be exact. Oh well, she says, it's because of the fact I didn't really pay attention to what I was eating last week but I'll do better this week. That 1.4 pounds falls off of her. No sweat. Such is life for the overweight woman who has truly dedicated herself to a life of healthy eating.
In case you haven't guessed it, that 1.4 pounds I'm talking about is how much I gained this week. To be honest, I knew I'd have a gain. Between stress and work and life in general (and not having access to my WW books which I left at home and having no internet access for the entirety of the weekend) I didn't pay as close of attention to what I was eating as I should have. I sipped way too many Cokes while staying at my MIL's house. I was hoping that gain would be less than 2 pounds and so it was. I'm not devastated. I'm really ok. I forgive myself that 1.4 because it could have been a lot worse. I was still somewhat aware of what I was eating so I didn't abandon everything I've learned over the past month. This is a good thing.
At my last WW meeting, a woman said that she had finally reached "lifetime" which is accomplished when one reaches their goal weight and maintains it for 6 weeks. All anyone wanted to know was how long it took her to get there. I like her response- "it doesn't matter how long it takes, it just matters that it takes". I love that. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to your goal. What matters is that it takes, that it sticks. That everything you've learned sticks with you. Obviously, things I'm learning are already sticking. Saturday I ate at the Hard Rock Cafe in St. Louis. Everyone got big juicy cheeseburgers and fries. I opted for the veggie burger and a salad with light balsamic vinaigrette. Do I regret not eating a cheeseburger and fries? Not at all. (Although I'm just a little starving right now and it sounds sooo good) That's my new secret weapon to fight off the impulse-eating. Tomorrow, will I regret not eating this or that or will I be glad I didn't? All of those Cokes I drank, in the moment I just "had to have one". But today, I'm thinking, wow, I wish I hadn't. I need water. It's a process. But I am well on my way.
Happy Thursday (which means tomorrow's Friday- yee haw!)! Happy Eating!
In case you haven't guessed it, that 1.4 pounds I'm talking about is how much I gained this week. To be honest, I knew I'd have a gain. Between stress and work and life in general (and not having access to my WW books which I left at home and having no internet access for the entirety of the weekend) I didn't pay as close of attention to what I was eating as I should have. I sipped way too many Cokes while staying at my MIL's house. I was hoping that gain would be less than 2 pounds and so it was. I'm not devastated. I'm really ok. I forgive myself that 1.4 because it could have been a lot worse. I was still somewhat aware of what I was eating so I didn't abandon everything I've learned over the past month. This is a good thing.
At my last WW meeting, a woman said that she had finally reached "lifetime" which is accomplished when one reaches their goal weight and maintains it for 6 weeks. All anyone wanted to know was how long it took her to get there. I like her response- "it doesn't matter how long it takes, it just matters that it takes". I love that. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to your goal. What matters is that it takes, that it sticks. That everything you've learned sticks with you. Obviously, things I'm learning are already sticking. Saturday I ate at the Hard Rock Cafe in St. Louis. Everyone got big juicy cheeseburgers and fries. I opted for the veggie burger and a salad with light balsamic vinaigrette. Do I regret not eating a cheeseburger and fries? Not at all. (Although I'm just a little starving right now and it sounds sooo good) That's my new secret weapon to fight off the impulse-eating. Tomorrow, will I regret not eating this or that or will I be glad I didn't? All of those Cokes I drank, in the moment I just "had to have one". But today, I'm thinking, wow, I wish I hadn't. I need water. It's a process. But I am well on my way.
Happy Thursday (which means tomorrow's Friday- yee haw!)! Happy Eating!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Undeserved Break
I so didn't deserve the loss I had last night. Nonetheless, I had a loss. And it was a good loss. I lost 2.6 pounds, got to ring the bell, made my first 10, and I'm 1.6 pounds from my first personal goal! And that very well may happen next week. Also, get this, this so cracks me up. On WW online where I enter my weight, they tell me I'm losing too fast and I need to slow it down. hahahahahahahahahahaha This makes me laugh so frickin' hard. I don't think I've ever been told to slow down my weight loss. I'm averaging 3 pounds a week and they would like it to be 2 pounds per week. Well, listen here WW online! I refuse to lose slower. Sorry! When you have as much weight as I have to lose, the quicker you start getting down, the better. =)
I needed it. After having a bit of heartache yesterday, having such a great loss was really a good pick-me-up for my soul. As was the Big Mac and fries I had for dinner. Funny thing is- I didn't go over my daily points in consuming said BM and F. I was a wee bit stressed during the day and didn't really eat. So I had tons of points left. Even better, my mama brought Lainie back to me after a small road trip visiting family. So she ate dinner with me and it was nice. I needed that too. What's more (yes, I know, it keeps getting better) my mom told me that she has gained back 18 pounds of what she lost and that she knows it wouldnt' be hard to lose so she wants to do it before it becomes more. She wants me to hold her accountable and ask her about stuff and she said she'd do the same for me. I would encourage her to go to WW, but I can honestly say it isn't for her. Not that it wouldn't work for her. It works for anyone who puts their heart into it. But the idea of counting points is a huge turn off to her. She's more likely to try to cut down portions and eat only when hungry, stop when satisfied. That's her thing. Either way, I'm happy she wants to "lose together".
Well, that's all I have for now! I brought milk today so that I could make tomato soup (because, let's face it, you have to make tomato soup with milk- duh!) and I brought 2 slices of my whole grain bread (1 point for 2 slices), my Brummel & Brown fake butter, and a green pepper and ranch dip for a snack. I planned well. For dinner tonight, we're eating salmon and probably broccoli. Maybe cauliflower. I haven't decided.
Happy Thursday! Happy Victory (if you've had one)! Happy Eating!
I needed it. After having a bit of heartache yesterday, having such a great loss was really a good pick-me-up for my soul. As was the Big Mac and fries I had for dinner. Funny thing is- I didn't go over my daily points in consuming said BM and F. I was a wee bit stressed during the day and didn't really eat. So I had tons of points left. Even better, my mama brought Lainie back to me after a small road trip visiting family. So she ate dinner with me and it was nice. I needed that too. What's more (yes, I know, it keeps getting better) my mom told me that she has gained back 18 pounds of what she lost and that she knows it wouldnt' be hard to lose so she wants to do it before it becomes more. She wants me to hold her accountable and ask her about stuff and she said she'd do the same for me. I would encourage her to go to WW, but I can honestly say it isn't for her. Not that it wouldn't work for her. It works for anyone who puts their heart into it. But the idea of counting points is a huge turn off to her. She's more likely to try to cut down portions and eat only when hungry, stop when satisfied. That's her thing. Either way, I'm happy she wants to "lose together".
Well, that's all I have for now! I brought milk today so that I could make tomato soup (because, let's face it, you have to make tomato soup with milk- duh!) and I brought 2 slices of my whole grain bread (1 point for 2 slices), my Brummel & Brown fake butter, and a green pepper and ranch dip for a snack. I planned well. For dinner tonight, we're eating salmon and probably broccoli. Maybe cauliflower. I haven't decided.
Happy Thursday! Happy Victory (if you've had one)! Happy Eating!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Confessions of a Middle-Aged Drama Queen
Geesh. You'd think that a woman would be grateful for having one night of peace and quiet to herself. With Lost on (watching both last week's ep with the juicy tidbits popping up on-screen and the new one) and Damages from the night before, you'd think that I would be in heaven getting to watch these shows relatively uninterrupted. Well, at least without the distraction of a one-year old and a husband. I did it to myself. I built it up in my mind all day long. Knowing my baby girl wasn't coming home and knowing that my hubby is in St. Charles, I desperately missed them all day. So once I actually got home, I was "home-sick". My home was empty and I felt so alone. It's ridiculous. I realize that I'm a grown woman. I should have relished my alone time. I didn't. I sat there, anxiety-filled, all night. I watched my shows. But I was still so anxious. For what? I don't know. I have a problem with anxiety sometimes. I think I spent so many years being afraid of being alone forever that being alone returns me to that time and I am afraid of it. Afraid of being alone. And it's so silly, now, sitting here on the other side of it.
The confession I have to make is this- I ate my anxiety. I didn't got terribly overboard. I did eat more than my daily points...meaning I got into weekly points and I had few to use. It's Weighs-Day. I'm now afraid of the scales. I'm near certain I'll have a gain, even if it's slight. I have to learn to get this under control. To further confess, anxiety-eating is my biggest fault. Sure, I eat my boredom, I overeat when the food is just too good to stop. I didn't get to my current size and weight by just overeating a bit here and there. Nope. I eat my feelings. But anxiety is the worse. It's as if the more I stuff into my mouth, the more I'm stuffing the anxiety down and I don't have to feel that way anymore. It's a ridiculous cycle. I don't necessarily feel anxious all the time. But when it hits, like last night, I really feel a bit out of control. For instance, when I got home I hated it. I wanted to cry (yes, I realize how crazy I sound). So, I popped open the box of Hersheys Snacksters and ate darn near 3 packs. Really, I was eating the chocolate chips out of them. Then I popped open a box of the chocolate covered pretzel 100 cal packs. I ate 2 of the packs. I couldn't stop. Realistically, I ate about 7 points right there and I had eaten so well during the day that I had like 18 points leftover so even after I ate the chocolate points I still had 11 left. Gosh, 11 points is a good-sized healthy dinner and snacks later. Instead of cooking for myself, which I have a tendency not to do when it's just me, I ate crackers dipped in dressing. Stupid, but I love it. It was one of my staples in law school (there was no time for cooking). But seriously, not a good meal idea for one who is weight watching.
So, I've confessed to my slip ups. From now on, I think when I know I'm going to be alone, what I need to do is take out a couple of chicken breasts the morning of and put them in the crockpot with some good seasoning. Maybe some FF Italian dressing as a sort of marinade. Or maybe some cajun seasoning. That way, all I have to do is open a can of spinach or throw some frozen broccoli on the stove and add a veggie quick and easy to a meal that's pretty well done. I need to be prepared for those situations.
Well, Happy Eating! Happy Weighing! Happy Middle-of-the-Week!
The confession I have to make is this- I ate my anxiety. I didn't got terribly overboard. I did eat more than my daily points...meaning I got into weekly points and I had few to use. It's Weighs-Day. I'm now afraid of the scales. I'm near certain I'll have a gain, even if it's slight. I have to learn to get this under control. To further confess, anxiety-eating is my biggest fault. Sure, I eat my boredom, I overeat when the food is just too good to stop. I didn't get to my current size and weight by just overeating a bit here and there. Nope. I eat my feelings. But anxiety is the worse. It's as if the more I stuff into my mouth, the more I'm stuffing the anxiety down and I don't have to feel that way anymore. It's a ridiculous cycle. I don't necessarily feel anxious all the time. But when it hits, like last night, I really feel a bit out of control. For instance, when I got home I hated it. I wanted to cry (yes, I realize how crazy I sound). So, I popped open the box of Hersheys Snacksters and ate darn near 3 packs. Really, I was eating the chocolate chips out of them. Then I popped open a box of the chocolate covered pretzel 100 cal packs. I ate 2 of the packs. I couldn't stop. Realistically, I ate about 7 points right there and I had eaten so well during the day that I had like 18 points leftover so even after I ate the chocolate points I still had 11 left. Gosh, 11 points is a good-sized healthy dinner and snacks later. Instead of cooking for myself, which I have a tendency not to do when it's just me, I ate crackers dipped in dressing. Stupid, but I love it. It was one of my staples in law school (there was no time for cooking). But seriously, not a good meal idea for one who is weight watching.
So, I've confessed to my slip ups. From now on, I think when I know I'm going to be alone, what I need to do is take out a couple of chicken breasts the morning of and put them in the crockpot with some good seasoning. Maybe some FF Italian dressing as a sort of marinade. Or maybe some cajun seasoning. That way, all I have to do is open a can of spinach or throw some frozen broccoli on the stove and add a veggie quick and easy to a meal that's pretty well done. I need to be prepared for those situations.
Well, Happy Eating! Happy Weighing! Happy Middle-of-the-Week!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Feeling Better
So this morning I woke up feeling better. I don't feel necessarily thin. But I feel better. I feel less "fat". As in, bloated and disgusting. Pretty much the way most women feel during their "monthly event". heh heh Anyway, I feel more capable of staying on track. I also feel a whole heck of a lot less head-hungry. I think that's also one of those things that happens once a month. You just feel like a bottomless pit and nothing that's actually good for you sounds any good. Chocolate. Soothing, sweet chocolate. That's all I wanted all weekend. I ate 2 Cabury Caramel eggs. Sinfully good. I love Cadbury chocolate. It is, hands down, my all-time fave. I used to love regular Cadbury eggs but since they introduced us to those delectable, caramel-filled goodies, I rarely revert back. What's nice about those eggs is, if you enjoy them nice and slow, they are very rich and satifying on the choco-meter!
Am I still craving chocolate? Oh, yeah! I could eat chocolate with every meal for the rest of my life and be happy (if not for the pesky pounds, cholesterol, and assortment of general bad health that come along with eating like that). But, what's good is I feel like I have my "power" back. I'm speaking of the power that I feel when I know I can and will make the right food choices. Why, already today I've eaten a banana, one whole green bell pepper dipped in light ranch dressing, a WW meal, and I ate a Hershey's Snacksters 100 cal pack. Well within a respectable amount of points. I've consumed about 3 servings of veggies between the pepper and the meal. I've had one fruit. I've also indulged in just a touch of chocolate. Enough to sustain me. Everything I've chosen, save the chocolate, are filling foods which is someting WW encourages. So, I'm doing pretty darn good so far today. I haven't figured out dinner tonight, which can present a problem. But, I'm leaning toward chicken tacos (a low-point fave) and maybe even some popcorn while I watch my Lost (and Damages from last night). BG is off to Grandma's for the night and the hubby is back in St. Charles. So it's just me and Tankers to hold down the fort.
I also have a small confession. I wanted a reality check this morning so I did what I'm not supposed to do. That's right. I weighed. Although, I feel no shame. It did me some good. I was fully expecting to see the scales go up. But instead, they were down. Not a whole lot. Just a bit over a pound. But that was a pretty encouraging way to get this day started right. What would I have done if they had gone up? I don't know. Don't have to worry about that today.
Weighs-Day is tomorrow. I'm just hoping for a .2 loss so I can make my first 10. I'll get to ring the bell and get another sticker. I'll also be only 4 pounds away from a first personal goal. I'm good with that.
Happy Eating! Happy Fat Tuesday!
Am I still craving chocolate? Oh, yeah! I could eat chocolate with every meal for the rest of my life and be happy (if not for the pesky pounds, cholesterol, and assortment of general bad health that come along with eating like that). But, what's good is I feel like I have my "power" back. I'm speaking of the power that I feel when I know I can and will make the right food choices. Why, already today I've eaten a banana, one whole green bell pepper dipped in light ranch dressing, a WW meal, and I ate a Hershey's Snacksters 100 cal pack. Well within a respectable amount of points. I've consumed about 3 servings of veggies between the pepper and the meal. I've had one fruit. I've also indulged in just a touch of chocolate. Enough to sustain me. Everything I've chosen, save the chocolate, are filling foods which is someting WW encourages. So, I'm doing pretty darn good so far today. I haven't figured out dinner tonight, which can present a problem. But, I'm leaning toward chicken tacos (a low-point fave) and maybe even some popcorn while I watch my Lost (and Damages from last night). BG is off to Grandma's for the night and the hubby is back in St. Charles. So it's just me and Tankers to hold down the fort.
I also have a small confession. I wanted a reality check this morning so I did what I'm not supposed to do. That's right. I weighed. Although, I feel no shame. It did me some good. I was fully expecting to see the scales go up. But instead, they were down. Not a whole lot. Just a bit over a pound. But that was a pretty encouraging way to get this day started right. What would I have done if they had gone up? I don't know. Don't have to worry about that today.
Weighs-Day is tomorrow. I'm just hoping for a .2 loss so I can make my first 10. I'll get to ring the bell and get another sticker. I'll also be only 4 pounds away from a first personal goal. I'm good with that.
Happy Eating! Happy Fat Tuesday!
Monday, February 15, 2010
When the Going Gets Tough
You know that old saying- when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Unfortunately for me, this week, the tough didn't get going, the tough got eating. I mean, I haven't entirely blown it or anything. But I've used all of my daily points in a bad way. The truth is, I tried very hard to stay encouraged after having a 1 pound loss. I really did. The problem is that I felt fatter. Ok, so thin and fat here are relative terms, not actual terms. I am not thin. But losing 4 pounds one week and 4.8 pounds the next, I felt thinner. So, losing just one pound, for some reason, I felt fatter. My body hasn't significantly changed. But it's the way I've felt. I think that a certain monthly "event" happening this week didn't help. Notice (ladies, anyway) how when that week happens you feel fat? I just feel gross this week. So, I have over-eaten. Like I said, I've used weekly points. But still, not in a good way. I've been using them to eat the emotional roller coaster that is this "monthly event".
I'm afraid of a gain this week. I really am. I hate when I feel "off". I feel off this week. I'm afraid of not getting that momentum back. But I have to. I just have to get back up on my feet. I mean, that "monthly event" will be over and maybe I won't feel so "fat".
So, Happy Week! Happy Eating!
I'm afraid of a gain this week. I really am. I hate when I feel "off". I feel off this week. I'm afraid of not getting that momentum back. But I have to. I just have to get back up on my feet. I mean, that "monthly event" will be over and maybe I won't feel so "fat".
So, Happy Week! Happy Eating!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
One-Pound Blessing
It was inevitable. After two weeks of these huge weight losses (hey- 4 pounds the first and 4.8 the second are pretty big losses), what did I expect? For starters, I expected more than a pound. I needed to lose 1.2 pounds to make it to 10. I would have rang the bell two weeks in a row. That would have been something. But, it was a pound. Just one measley pound. I was disappointed. I felt myself shrink in confidence as I made my way to my seat. I even felt like bursting into tears. When I thought about blogging about tonight's loss I thought of several different titles. One-Pound Slap in the Face. One-Pound Reality Check. Those are just two of the titles I was pondering.
Then I started thinking about what that ONE pound really meant. It means I'm doing something right. If I was doing something wrong that would have been a plus one (or more) rather than a minus one. It means that I'm on the right track. I'm moving forward and the scales are still moving downward. It may be only a pound. But it could have been nothing at all. Or worse- a gain! A gain would mean that weight I worked hard to lose over the past two weeks was gained back. I'm getting closer to my goal. I'm moving toward my goal one pound at a time. This is one of those pounds. It isn't a tragedy. It's a triumph. It's not a "slap in the face". It's a blessing. It's an accomplishment. In three weeks I've lost nearly 10 pounds. Only .2 away from 10. It's still an average of a little over 3 pounds a week. That's quite something.
So, I didn't ring the bell tonight. So what? It just means I'll ring it next week. Will I? I think so. Considering the smallest one can lose according to the scales is .2, any loss will get me there because that's all I have to get to 10 pounds. I'm currently 4.2 pounds away from my first goal. That's something. The bell will be there next week. And the week after. And after. It's gonna be there and I'm gonna be ringing it. I ring it for every 5 pounds. One week it might be 4 pounds that gets me there. One week it might be less than a pound. Either way, I'm losing weight. That's what is important. I'm doing what I've set out to do. For Lainie. For Robb. For me. Especially for me.
So that pound....it's my blessing. I love that pound gone. I'm proud of that pound gone. Happy Eating!
Then I started thinking about what that ONE pound really meant. It means I'm doing something right. If I was doing something wrong that would have been a plus one (or more) rather than a minus one. It means that I'm on the right track. I'm moving forward and the scales are still moving downward. It may be only a pound. But it could have been nothing at all. Or worse- a gain! A gain would mean that weight I worked hard to lose over the past two weeks was gained back. I'm getting closer to my goal. I'm moving toward my goal one pound at a time. This is one of those pounds. It isn't a tragedy. It's a triumph. It's not a "slap in the face". It's a blessing. It's an accomplishment. In three weeks I've lost nearly 10 pounds. Only .2 away from 10. It's still an average of a little over 3 pounds a week. That's quite something.
So, I didn't ring the bell tonight. So what? It just means I'll ring it next week. Will I? I think so. Considering the smallest one can lose according to the scales is .2, any loss will get me there because that's all I have to get to 10 pounds. I'm currently 4.2 pounds away from my first goal. That's something. The bell will be there next week. And the week after. And after. It's gonna be there and I'm gonna be ringing it. I ring it for every 5 pounds. One week it might be 4 pounds that gets me there. One week it might be less than a pound. Either way, I'm losing weight. That's what is important. I'm doing what I've set out to do. For Lainie. For Robb. For me. Especially for me.
So that pound....it's my blessing. I love that pound gone. I'm proud of that pound gone. Happy Eating!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I Must Be Shrinking
My jeans are looser. How much looser you might ask? Loose enough that I can now put them in the dryer! Yee haw! I'm just feeling better in general. I have a lot more confidence and it's so nice. Tomorrow is Weighs-Day and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Don't worry- I'm not actually hoping for another 4 pound + loss but I am hoping for enough to make my first 10 pounds. That would be so amazing! Three weeks, 10 pounds and I'm not even on some crazy Hollywood diet. This woman has been E-A-T-I-N-G!!!! Oh yes, she has.
So, weigh-in tomorrow! Happy Eating!
So, weigh-in tomorrow! Happy Eating!
Monday, February 8, 2010
My Own Super Bowl Victory
The Saints weren't the only winners yesterday! (Although I was extremely happy they won!) Let me take you on a tour of my Super Bowls past. For the most part, I never really was much of a football watcher until I started getting invited each year to super bowl parties at a couple's house. The husband makes the world's most amazing dips. No joke. Then there's the wings. The Lil' Smokies wrapped in anything and everything unhealthy- crescent rolls, bacon, barbeque sauce, etc. I'm such a sucker for those little guys. I ate and ate until the button on my pants shot open for dear life. And then I ate some more. Point value eaten- probably somewhere around 1000! *heh heh*
So, this year, I had to tackle eating healthier while still enjoying the SB fare. Well, I scoured the WW website for any recipes that would be SB-worthy and point-friendly. What I found were some delectable goodies with point values to cheer about! I also had the very good fortune of finding Lil' Smokies made with turkey meat! Can you even believe it? With a fat gram count of 4 (as opposed to the full-fat version's 14grams) these little suckers were a-maz-ing! So, here is the SB recipes, just for your eating pleasure.
Pepperoni Pizza Potato Skins
2- large baking potatoes, baked, quartered length-wise
1/3- cup mozzarella cheese, fat free
1/3- cup pizza sauce
2- oz. turkey pepperonis, chopped
Scoop off the top 1/2 to 2/3 of the potatoes. Add pizza sauce, pepperonis, and cheese. Bake in a preheated oven at 425 degrees for approximately 6-7 minutes, or until cheese is all melted.
Serving size: 2 quarters Point Value: 2
Mmmm.....delicious. I used the remaining pizza sauce to dip them in!
Crescent Roll Lil' Turkey Smokies
1- can crescent rolls
1- package Lil' Turkey Smokies
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Each individual crescent roll dough should be divided into 5 pieces. Wrap each Lil' Turkey Smokie. Bake for 11-13 minutes, or until crescent dough is baked through.
These babies are about 1 point each.
Note: If you substitute the reduced-fat crescent rolls I'm sure that the points would be better. I just couldn't find any. Too many reduced fat-crescent roll hogs at my market apparently!
Sausage & Salsa Creamy Warm Dip
1- lb sausage, cooked
1- cup salsa
1- block light cream cheese, room temp
Put all ingredients in a crock pot on high until all cream cheese has melted and you can stir to combine. Then put on your lowest setting. You should use a small crock pot if you have one. Otherwise, use a small pot on the stove and keep on low. But keep stirring!
Servings: 8 Point Value: 4
It's hefty in the point-department, I do realize. However, this dip is heavenly. You could reduce the points further by using fat-free cream cheese (which I think is unnatural, but if you like it, use it) and reduced-fat sausage (which I love but couldn't find- additional hogs at the super market). Next time, I may try the *gag* fat-free cream cheese at the risk of ruining a whole batch of creamy goodness. I'm definitely gonna hunt down reduced-fat sausage.
Enjoy these delectable goodies at your next appe-teaser event! Happy Eating!
So, this year, I had to tackle eating healthier while still enjoying the SB fare. Well, I scoured the WW website for any recipes that would be SB-worthy and point-friendly. What I found were some delectable goodies with point values to cheer about! I also had the very good fortune of finding Lil' Smokies made with turkey meat! Can you even believe it? With a fat gram count of 4 (as opposed to the full-fat version's 14grams) these little suckers were a-maz-ing! So, here is the SB recipes, just for your eating pleasure.
Pepperoni Pizza Potato Skins
2- large baking potatoes, baked, quartered length-wise
1/3- cup mozzarella cheese, fat free
1/3- cup pizza sauce
2- oz. turkey pepperonis, chopped
Scoop off the top 1/2 to 2/3 of the potatoes. Add pizza sauce, pepperonis, and cheese. Bake in a preheated oven at 425 degrees for approximately 6-7 minutes, or until cheese is all melted.
Serving size: 2 quarters Point Value: 2
Mmmm.....delicious. I used the remaining pizza sauce to dip them in!
Crescent Roll Lil' Turkey Smokies
1- can crescent rolls
1- package Lil' Turkey Smokies
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Each individual crescent roll dough should be divided into 5 pieces. Wrap each Lil' Turkey Smokie. Bake for 11-13 minutes, or until crescent dough is baked through.
These babies are about 1 point each.
Note: If you substitute the reduced-fat crescent rolls I'm sure that the points would be better. I just couldn't find any. Too many reduced fat-crescent roll hogs at my market apparently!
Sausage & Salsa Creamy Warm Dip
1- lb sausage, cooked
1- cup salsa
1- block light cream cheese, room temp
Put all ingredients in a crock pot on high until all cream cheese has melted and you can stir to combine. Then put on your lowest setting. You should use a small crock pot if you have one. Otherwise, use a small pot on the stove and keep on low. But keep stirring!
Servings: 8 Point Value: 4
It's hefty in the point-department, I do realize. However, this dip is heavenly. You could reduce the points further by using fat-free cream cheese (which I think is unnatural, but if you like it, use it) and reduced-fat sausage (which I love but couldn't find- additional hogs at the super market). Next time, I may try the *gag* fat-free cream cheese at the risk of ruining a whole batch of creamy goodness. I'm definitely gonna hunt down reduced-fat sausage.
Enjoy these delectable goodies at your next appe-teaser event! Happy Eating!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Just Keep Swimming...
This week I posted about feeling fatter. And I really did. I just had this week where I just felt fat. Probably because I wasn't able to choose healthy foods a whole lot for one reason or another. I mean, I was 100% faithful to point counting and I mean it. I was so careful. But I still felt fat. So, imagine my surprise when I went to WW last night. But first, let me back up a bit.
If you recall, when one loses 5 pounds (not just the first, but subsequent 5 pounds too) he or she gets the honor of ringing "the bell". It's a bell you might find at a hotel on the check-in counter for you to ring if no one is there. So this is a loud bell. A bell you slam your fist down on and they hear it in Australia. It's like giving the bell a five when you ring it. It's sort of magical. Probably because it matters so much. When meetings first start the first thing the leader looks for is "who rang the bell?". Last week was my first week on the WW program for the new year. I lost 4 pounds last week, quite a triumph I must say. So all I needed was one stinking pound in order to ring that bell.
Only problem- remember how I was feeling fat? I reported to you faithful readers (might just be reader- singular and that one reader might be me, but oh well) that I cheated and weighed myself Monday. Well, I cheated again Tuesday and even yesterday, Weighs-Day. I weighed each morning and each morning my weight was exactly the same. So, I was very discouraged each morning that I wasn't going to lose. Maybe even have a gain. All I needed was 1 pound.
The first twinge of self-doubt crept in over the weekend. I felt like I was eating bad. Now, again, I counted the points. I did. I have to. The second I gorge on the points and then just say "oh, I'll just say I used all my flex points" and I don't actually count them and write them down, for some reason this is like detonating a bomb on my diet. So, through the discouragment I was feeling I started telling myself this- "Just keep swimmming...just keep swimming". You know, from Finding Nemo? Dori sings that and it's such a fun movie and she is such a fun character. I heard her voice ringing through my head in those moments of doubt. Just keep swimming. So, I did.
I swam all the way to the WW scale and said to the weigh-in lady, "I just need one pound to ring the bell and I really hope I get to." She looks at her screen (it's all computerized and high-tech, fancy-schmancy and you can't see the weight for yourself). She says to me, "well, you lost 4.8 pounds". I didn't cheer. I slunked. I felt my whole body just crumble in defeat. I was only .2 pounds away from that glorious bell ringing. The weigh-in lady said, "honey, you didn't lose .8 pounds. You lost 4.8. You lost 8.8 total!" After I finished picking my jaw up off the floor I clapped my hands like a little school girl and said, "reeeeelly???" in this high-pitched, squeaky, I'm-about-to-scream-in-joy voice and she said, "honey, ring that bell! Ring it twice!!" You can bet your bottom dollar that I rang it twice. Two fives for the bell!
I was so excited I could barely contain myself. I'd never had two big losses in back to back weeks like this. I texted my hubby. I texted my mom. I texted my brother. I texted my Bestie. Then I posted it on Facebook. All within about a minute of sitting down for the meeting. When the leader asked for bell-ringers I thrust my arm in the air with pride, told of my victory and basked in the applause and praise. Ahhhhh. Victory. Sweet victory.
This is an important victory though, not just because of the huge, massive loss (hehe) but because I kept swimming. Whenever I start to get discouraged I'm going to remember this week. The week where I felt fatter. Felt discouraged. Even had moments of feeling like I'll never get to my goal. But I kept swimming and lost more than I would ever have put money on. This Diet Diva is gonna keep on swimming!
Happy Thursday-it's-almost-Friday! Happy Eating! Happy Swimming!
If you recall, when one loses 5 pounds (not just the first, but subsequent 5 pounds too) he or she gets the honor of ringing "the bell". It's a bell you might find at a hotel on the check-in counter for you to ring if no one is there. So this is a loud bell. A bell you slam your fist down on and they hear it in Australia. It's like giving the bell a five when you ring it. It's sort of magical. Probably because it matters so much. When meetings first start the first thing the leader looks for is "who rang the bell?". Last week was my first week on the WW program for the new year. I lost 4 pounds last week, quite a triumph I must say. So all I needed was one stinking pound in order to ring that bell.
Only problem- remember how I was feeling fat? I reported to you faithful readers (might just be reader- singular and that one reader might be me, but oh well) that I cheated and weighed myself Monday. Well, I cheated again Tuesday and even yesterday, Weighs-Day. I weighed each morning and each morning my weight was exactly the same. So, I was very discouraged each morning that I wasn't going to lose. Maybe even have a gain. All I needed was 1 pound.
The first twinge of self-doubt crept in over the weekend. I felt like I was eating bad. Now, again, I counted the points. I did. I have to. The second I gorge on the points and then just say "oh, I'll just say I used all my flex points" and I don't actually count them and write them down, for some reason this is like detonating a bomb on my diet. So, through the discouragment I was feeling I started telling myself this- "Just keep swimmming...just keep swimming". You know, from Finding Nemo? Dori sings that and it's such a fun movie and she is such a fun character. I heard her voice ringing through my head in those moments of doubt. Just keep swimming. So, I did.
I swam all the way to the WW scale and said to the weigh-in lady, "I just need one pound to ring the bell and I really hope I get to." She looks at her screen (it's all computerized and high-tech, fancy-schmancy and you can't see the weight for yourself). She says to me, "well, you lost 4.8 pounds". I didn't cheer. I slunked. I felt my whole body just crumble in defeat. I was only .2 pounds away from that glorious bell ringing. The weigh-in lady said, "honey, you didn't lose .8 pounds. You lost 4.8. You lost 8.8 total!" After I finished picking my jaw up off the floor I clapped my hands like a little school girl and said, "reeeeelly???" in this high-pitched, squeaky, I'm-about-to-scream-in-joy voice and she said, "honey, ring that bell! Ring it twice!!" You can bet your bottom dollar that I rang it twice. Two fives for the bell!
I was so excited I could barely contain myself. I'd never had two big losses in back to back weeks like this. I texted my hubby. I texted my mom. I texted my brother. I texted my Bestie. Then I posted it on Facebook. All within about a minute of sitting down for the meeting. When the leader asked for bell-ringers I thrust my arm in the air with pride, told of my victory and basked in the applause and praise. Ahhhhh. Victory. Sweet victory.
This is an important victory though, not just because of the huge, massive loss (hehe) but because I kept swimming. Whenever I start to get discouraged I'm going to remember this week. The week where I felt fatter. Felt discouraged. Even had moments of feeling like I'll never get to my goal. But I kept swimming and lost more than I would ever have put money on. This Diet Diva is gonna keep on swimming!
Happy Thursday-it's-almost-Friday! Happy Eating! Happy Swimming!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Feeling Fatter
So, I have watched my points like a hawk. I really have. Whenever I cook anything I make sure that I enter into the nifty "Recipe Builder" that WW website has for those subscribed to the online tools. It's great because it calculates all of the points for you.
Well, like I said, a hawk. So, this morning, I cheated again. Cheated as in, I weighed. The scales read the exact same number as yesterday and it makes me feel, well, fatter. I mean, I'm fat to begin with but somehow, when I'm losing weight, I magically feel thinner. I mean, I know I'm not significantly thinner or anything like that. It'll take a bit of time before weight loss really starts showing. But, I feel thinner. So, seeing the scales not budge this morning makes me feel fatter. I just feel fat. Not confident at all.
This is exactly why I'm not supposed to be weighing myself through the week. Any number of things can make weight fluctuate, even in one day. Last night my dinner was rather salty which means that I could be retaining a bit of water due to the salt. It happens.
So, I need to stop cheating. I'm still excited about Weighs-Day tomorrow. I still know I'll lose. I'm hoping for 2 pounds, although 1 is enough for me to ring the bell. I've set a goal for myself that I want to lose 15 pounds total by the first weigh-in in March. That gives me 5 weigh-ins, including the one on that first Wednesday in March. I've already lost 4, so I only need to lose 11 more. I think I can do that in 5 weigh-ins. After all, it's just 2 pounds a week.
So, Happy Tuesday! Happy Eating! And Happy Weigh-In Tomorrow!!
Well, like I said, a hawk. So, this morning, I cheated again. Cheated as in, I weighed. The scales read the exact same number as yesterday and it makes me feel, well, fatter. I mean, I'm fat to begin with but somehow, when I'm losing weight, I magically feel thinner. I mean, I know I'm not significantly thinner or anything like that. It'll take a bit of time before weight loss really starts showing. But, I feel thinner. So, seeing the scales not budge this morning makes me feel fatter. I just feel fat. Not confident at all.
This is exactly why I'm not supposed to be weighing myself through the week. Any number of things can make weight fluctuate, even in one day. Last night my dinner was rather salty which means that I could be retaining a bit of water due to the salt. It happens.
So, I need to stop cheating. I'm still excited about Weighs-Day tomorrow. I still know I'll lose. I'm hoping for 2 pounds, although 1 is enough for me to ring the bell. I've set a goal for myself that I want to lose 15 pounds total by the first weigh-in in March. That gives me 5 weigh-ins, including the one on that first Wednesday in March. I've already lost 4, so I only need to lose 11 more. I think I can do that in 5 weigh-ins. After all, it's just 2 pounds a week.
So, Happy Tuesday! Happy Eating! And Happy Weigh-In Tomorrow!!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Here Comes the Sun...Dittle Dee Dee
Well, I did see the sun briefly this glorious a.m. I mean, I realize it's a Monday, for crying out loud, but it has been a relatively productive Monday. It actually doesn't feel like Monday to me. I got up earlier than usual, got everything done I needed to, got myself and the baby girl ready on time, to the sitter and then to work. I came in to the office, which immediately let off the smell of brewing coffee. Now, that's the way Mondays should go.
As I sit here sipping morning coffee, with less and less sugar as time goes by, I'm reflecting on the weekend and how I felt that I ate so horribly. Now, I counted every single point. So, it's not as if I went rogue for the weekend and lost control. I didn't. But, I ate pancakes, bacon and eggs yesterday and that makes me feel like I've done something horribly wrong. Sure, I counted the points. Sure, I didn't go over my daily points yesterday at all. It just amazes me that one can consume said breakfast and still lose weight. Well, this morning, I got on the scales. Yes, I know, I know. I cheated. I'm not supposed to do that until Wednesday and only at WW. Well, I just wanted to see where I was. According to the scales, from the last time I weighed on the home scales (which was last week, either Monday or Tuesday) I'm down 3 pounds. So, I continue to lose weight and I continue to be amazed.
I love being so committed to weight loss. I love the feeling of being so motivated. I'm enjoying the "honeymoon" phase of it all because I know that the time will come (though probably not for a while) when I may plateau and Jiminy Cricket won't be on my shoulder telling me the right thing to eat. I'll just have to dig my heels in and not give up. For now though, I'm gonna enjoy the ease of being fresh into WW and losing weight.
So, Happy Monday! Happy Week! Happy Eating!
As I sit here sipping morning coffee, with less and less sugar as time goes by, I'm reflecting on the weekend and how I felt that I ate so horribly. Now, I counted every single point. So, it's not as if I went rogue for the weekend and lost control. I didn't. But, I ate pancakes, bacon and eggs yesterday and that makes me feel like I've done something horribly wrong. Sure, I counted the points. Sure, I didn't go over my daily points yesterday at all. It just amazes me that one can consume said breakfast and still lose weight. Well, this morning, I got on the scales. Yes, I know, I know. I cheated. I'm not supposed to do that until Wednesday and only at WW. Well, I just wanted to see where I was. According to the scales, from the last time I weighed on the home scales (which was last week, either Monday or Tuesday) I'm down 3 pounds. So, I continue to lose weight and I continue to be amazed.
I love being so committed to weight loss. I love the feeling of being so motivated. I'm enjoying the "honeymoon" phase of it all because I know that the time will come (though probably not for a while) when I may plateau and Jiminy Cricket won't be on my shoulder telling me the right thing to eat. I'll just have to dig my heels in and not give up. For now though, I'm gonna enjoy the ease of being fresh into WW and losing weight.
So, Happy Monday! Happy Week! Happy Eating!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Victory is Sweet
Week 1 under my belt and I made a huge victory- on and off the scales!! First of all, my loss because it is such a big deal!! I lost 4 pounds!!!! Dum da da dum!!! Big victories off the scales include some pretty awesome discoveries and temptation defeats. First of all, I stared down the fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and cheesecake last Friday. I ate Mexican two days in a row- Saturday and Sunday. Then on Monday I had company over and we made this amazing burger with "garlic and chives" cheese curds in the middle of the burger, a bacon "patty" under the burger, and alfredo sauce drizzled all over the top. I know. It sounds over the top and believe me- IT WAS!!!! I know what you're thinking- it is absolutely, absurdly impossible that I consumed said food and lost said poundage, but indeed, I did. Yes. I did. So, "how is it possible?" should be the next question you ask. Because, dear friend, I counted the points. I used nearly every last flex point I had, as I'm sure you can imagine. But, it was worth it. Very worth it. I was so proud of myself.
The other victory off the scale was discovering that, if I come home hugely hungry and seriously over-exhausted then I need to have a very small 1 or 2 point snack and facebook for about 30 minutes. After that, I'm ready to cook a very healthy meal. It works for me.
I have yet another victory to share, although it isn't part of last week, but belongs to this week's victories. Today I had a meeting out of town and they had a very beautifully-catered spread. They had everything a non-dieting person can only dream of (and consume without the guilt of point crushing) and this diet diva just shouldn't eat. So, I had to get a game plan together. First, a salad. Now, salad can be point devastating if you drench the salad in dressing. So, I piled on lettuce, a few crutons (because I can't resist crutons), skipped the bacon bits that were actually real bacon and skipped the cheese, drizzled about a tablespoon of ranch dressing, and moved on. I chose to eat the steamed vegetables though doing so forced me to reach right over the scintillating mashed potatoes (of which I ate none). I chose the fish over the fried chicken. Then, there was the dessert table. Oh, the desserts. Cheesecakes of varying flavors, apple pie, chocolate cake. I had to glance very quickly and then away so that it would not hypnotize me and draw me over. Victory- I ate not a bit of any dessert. Can I get a woo hoo??
So, those are the victories for me to report. Until tomorrow, Happy Eating! Happy Friday!!! Happy, oh Happy Weekend!!
The other victory off the scale was discovering that, if I come home hugely hungry and seriously over-exhausted then I need to have a very small 1 or 2 point snack and facebook for about 30 minutes. After that, I'm ready to cook a very healthy meal. It works for me.
I have yet another victory to share, although it isn't part of last week, but belongs to this week's victories. Today I had a meeting out of town and they had a very beautifully-catered spread. They had everything a non-dieting person can only dream of (and consume without the guilt of point crushing) and this diet diva just shouldn't eat. So, I had to get a game plan together. First, a salad. Now, salad can be point devastating if you drench the salad in dressing. So, I piled on lettuce, a few crutons (because I can't resist crutons), skipped the bacon bits that were actually real bacon and skipped the cheese, drizzled about a tablespoon of ranch dressing, and moved on. I chose to eat the steamed vegetables though doing so forced me to reach right over the scintillating mashed potatoes (of which I ate none). I chose the fish over the fried chicken. Then, there was the dessert table. Oh, the desserts. Cheesecakes of varying flavors, apple pie, chocolate cake. I had to glance very quickly and then away so that it would not hypnotize me and draw me over. Victory- I ate not a bit of any dessert. Can I get a woo hoo??
So, those are the victories for me to report. Until tomorrow, Happy Eating! Happy Friday!!! Happy, oh Happy Weekend!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
It's WEIGHS-DAY!!! (Week 1)
Well, today is the big day! I feel like I've had such an awesome WW week. I counted every single point that I've consumed and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. The only thing that I'm a bit bummed about is that I didn't do any exercising. I was in Quincy Friday through Sunday and then stayed in J'ville Sunday night so I didn't get home from leaving Friday until Monday night. Then it was rush rush rush! I had company over to help me pick up my new hutch (which I got for the basement-bargain price of $20). Then we created our hamburger for the upcoming Kenny's Burger Bash! By the time they left (with there three boys aged 5 and under) my house was destroyed and I was exhausted. Then my Robb came home and we hung out for a while. I only get him for a few evenings a week lately and it's just not enough time. Blah.
This WW week, I'm staying home for the weekend and will have time to exercise. I also need to clean and do laundry which means that I'll probably be counting some of that as exercise time too! I'm super excited about tonight's meeting and look forward to a good loss. You never know because your weight fluctuates even during the day. But I imagine I'll lose, at least, a couple of pounds! I'll report the results tomorrow.
Happy WEIGHS-DAY!!! It's also the middle of the week! Yay! Only two more work days after this one! Hip hip hooray!
This WW week, I'm staying home for the weekend and will have time to exercise. I also need to clean and do laundry which means that I'll probably be counting some of that as exercise time too! I'm super excited about tonight's meeting and look forward to a good loss. You never know because your weight fluctuates even during the day. But I imagine I'll lose, at least, a couple of pounds! I'll report the results tomorrow.
Happy WEIGHS-DAY!!! It's also the middle of the week! Yay! Only two more work days after this one! Hip hip hooray!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Failure is not an Option
Well, I am super duper proud of myself after this weekend. First of all, I went to visit the fam which is always nice but usually means "food pushing". Especially when one is on a diet. I knew my mother was cooking a feast of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn. Looking at that menu I heard the faint cries of the WW angel on my shoulder begging me to abort the mission (the "going-home-and-consuming-said-feast" mission). I called up the mother and asked her to include green beans in the meal. Plain, old green beans. I could substitute those for corn. I knew I'd want a piece of chicken and a bit of mashed potatoes and a very small amount of gravy. So I went to work. I looked through my WW books and got online and looked up points. I figured out the points for one chicken thigh and a very small helping of mashed potatoes and gravy. Then, based on the those calculated points, I planned the rest of my day.
Of course, you know that when you're expecting a heater straight down the middle, that's when you get the dreaded curve ball. I had eaten my chicken, my pots and grav, and some gbeans, and was shining proud of myself, when the mother pulls out the weapon of mass diet-destruction- the cheesecake. My whole body sunk into my chair as if I'd already consumed the cheesecake in shame. The WW angel and the diet devil duked it out as I sat by, already feeling defeat. To my amazement, the WW angel beat the tar out of the diet devil and I did not have said cheesecake. Hip hip hooray! Score 1- WW angel. Later on that night though, I did have a piece. The cheesecake, as it turns out, was actually the pudding kind, which is what I "affectionately" refer to as the fake kind. Points on those babies aren't so disastrous. So, I ate a piece.
Next day I lunched with my Bestie, and again I figured out all of the points for the meal. I knew we were having Mexican, so again, I figured up the points that I'd need for the meal, and then planned my day accordingly. That seems to be the thing that makes all of the difference- counting points.
When I decide to splurge and dip into my flex points sometimes the mistake I make is just saying, oh, I'm using flexers and then not actually doing the math. Suddenly, I'm flying right off the track into oncoming diet traffic and I'm being threatened with defeat. But when I sit down, look up points and figure out how many flexers I actually used, that makes for success. Also, being attributed to success is the planning aspect. If I know I'm going out to eat and I know what I want to order, I can plan the rest of the day.
Overall, a very successful first weekend full of temptations. I did use 20 flex points in all and I'm ok with that. I have 35 a week. It's not a sin or a WW crisis to use them. WW gives them to you weekly, for crying out loud. So, they are there to use and you still can lose weight using them.
So, that's it. Happy Eating! Happy Monday! Two days 'til Weighsday!!
Of course, you know that when you're expecting a heater straight down the middle, that's when you get the dreaded curve ball. I had eaten my chicken, my pots and grav, and some gbeans, and was shining proud of myself, when the mother pulls out the weapon of mass diet-destruction- the cheesecake. My whole body sunk into my chair as if I'd already consumed the cheesecake in shame. The WW angel and the diet devil duked it out as I sat by, already feeling defeat. To my amazement, the WW angel beat the tar out of the diet devil and I did not have said cheesecake. Hip hip hooray! Score 1- WW angel. Later on that night though, I did have a piece. The cheesecake, as it turns out, was actually the pudding kind, which is what I "affectionately" refer to as the fake kind. Points on those babies aren't so disastrous. So, I ate a piece.
Next day I lunched with my Bestie, and again I figured out all of the points for the meal. I knew we were having Mexican, so again, I figured up the points that I'd need for the meal, and then planned my day accordingly. That seems to be the thing that makes all of the difference- counting points.
When I decide to splurge and dip into my flex points sometimes the mistake I make is just saying, oh, I'm using flexers and then not actually doing the math. Suddenly, I'm flying right off the track into oncoming diet traffic and I'm being threatened with defeat. But when I sit down, look up points and figure out how many flexers I actually used, that makes for success. Also, being attributed to success is the planning aspect. If I know I'm going out to eat and I know what I want to order, I can plan the rest of the day.
Overall, a very successful first weekend full of temptations. I did use 20 flex points in all and I'm ok with that. I have 35 a week. It's not a sin or a WW crisis to use them. WW gives them to you weekly, for crying out loud. So, they are there to use and you still can lose weight using them.
So, that's it. Happy Eating! Happy Monday! Two days 'til Weighsday!!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Day One, It's Done, It Was Fun, Heh Heh
So, I wouldn't mind if every day goes like yesterday did. As you may or may not know yesterday was my first day after my first meeting. So, yesterday was officially the beginning. I know, you can figure that out on your own. I'm just saying it for my benefit. Anyway, WW is stressing that while under the points system you can have anything you want as long as you are calculating the points, you should focus on foods that are "filling". Those types of foods would include lean protein, veggies, fruits, whole grains, you get the picture. So I'm trying to eat more filling foods.
For breakfast I ate a WW bar. For those of you who don't attend meetings, you are so missing out. They are delectable. I'll never forget the first time I actually read the label at my office one morning. I was eating a chocolate-caramel bar (for breakfast, nonetheless) and saw that it was jam-packed with vitamins, minerals, calcium. All of this super duper stuff. I was so excited, if I had been a facebooker at the time, my status for sure would have said something about it. I felt better about eating said chocolate-caramel bar for breakfast. Those, my friend, are filling. They are only 2 points and they are full of deliciousness. Now, WW has come a long way since back in that day. They still have the chocolate-caramel bars and they are still my fave. But today, they have so many varieties of foods. They have bars, oatmeal, baked snacks, and shakes and those items can only be purchased at meetings. Or if you subscribe to online tools (but only online tools- if you do the monthly pass, like me, and go to meetings and have access to online tools, you have to purchase your stuff at the meetings- can I just say, boo!). Anyway, they are super yum and I started my day with one and with some hot tea. Drinking hot tea without sugar in it is a great way to get in some water.
For lunch I ate a WW frozen meals- it was an Artisan Creation. Some sort of steak and cheese stuff in a pita wrap. Super yummy and filling too. For dinner, I was thinking chilli. My version comes to 4 points a serving and a serving is mighty. But when I got home I was super starving and I didn't feel like cooking a big meal, although I knew that would be the wiser choice. So I thought about it. Why not have a small snack to tide me over until I can get dinner made? Plus, when I get home I'm tired. I just want to relax. So, for the first time ever (and I am going to be giving myself a genius status here, because this was, after all, genius of me) I ate one of those WW bars, only a 1 point bar. I got on the computer and relaxed for about 30 minutes. It made all the difference in the world. Then I didn't mind getting up and cooking. I got all the cans opened and put the chilli on the stove and started heating it up. In the meantime, I sliced up a banana for BG (baby girl) and gave her a sippy of milk. Then I relaxed some more. When it was done, I was so happy I didn't opt for what I usually do- eat tons of carbs and never feel satisfied because I didn't eat what I really wanted. Do you ever do that? You are craving something (in my case here, it was chilli) and you opt for something else that's easier and then you never feel satisfied. I need veggies or protein to fill me. I was so proud of myself for coming up with an alternative to eating whatever I got to. Have a healthy snack and give yourself some moments before you go diving into cooking. I felt so much better and chilli hit the spot that only chilli can hit! Yay me!
So, Happy Eating! Happy Friday! Happy Weekend! (and for me- Happy Chilli Leftovers!!!)
For breakfast I ate a WW bar. For those of you who don't attend meetings, you are so missing out. They are delectable. I'll never forget the first time I actually read the label at my office one morning. I was eating a chocolate-caramel bar (for breakfast, nonetheless) and saw that it was jam-packed with vitamins, minerals, calcium. All of this super duper stuff. I was so excited, if I had been a facebooker at the time, my status for sure would have said something about it. I felt better about eating said chocolate-caramel bar for breakfast. Those, my friend, are filling. They are only 2 points and they are full of deliciousness. Now, WW has come a long way since back in that day. They still have the chocolate-caramel bars and they are still my fave. But today, they have so many varieties of foods. They have bars, oatmeal, baked snacks, and shakes and those items can only be purchased at meetings. Or if you subscribe to online tools (but only online tools- if you do the monthly pass, like me, and go to meetings and have access to online tools, you have to purchase your stuff at the meetings- can I just say, boo!). Anyway, they are super yum and I started my day with one and with some hot tea. Drinking hot tea without sugar in it is a great way to get in some water.
For lunch I ate a WW frozen meals- it was an Artisan Creation. Some sort of steak and cheese stuff in a pita wrap. Super yummy and filling too. For dinner, I was thinking chilli. My version comes to 4 points a serving and a serving is mighty. But when I got home I was super starving and I didn't feel like cooking a big meal, although I knew that would be the wiser choice. So I thought about it. Why not have a small snack to tide me over until I can get dinner made? Plus, when I get home I'm tired. I just want to relax. So, for the first time ever (and I am going to be giving myself a genius status here, because this was, after all, genius of me) I ate one of those WW bars, only a 1 point bar. I got on the computer and relaxed for about 30 minutes. It made all the difference in the world. Then I didn't mind getting up and cooking. I got all the cans opened and put the chilli on the stove and started heating it up. In the meantime, I sliced up a banana for BG (baby girl) and gave her a sippy of milk. Then I relaxed some more. When it was done, I was so happy I didn't opt for what I usually do- eat tons of carbs and never feel satisfied because I didn't eat what I really wanted. Do you ever do that? You are craving something (in my case here, it was chilli) and you opt for something else that's easier and then you never feel satisfied. I need veggies or protein to fill me. I was so proud of myself for coming up with an alternative to eating whatever I got to. Have a healthy snack and give yourself some moments before you go diving into cooking. I felt so much better and chilli hit the spot that only chilli can hit! Yay me!
So, Happy Eating! Happy Friday! Happy Weekend! (and for me- Happy Chilli Leftovers!!!)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A Fat Chic's Triumphant Return to Weight Watchers
Well, I'm back at WW. OMG! It's so exciting. When I got there the staff who worked there when I used to attend meetings, instantly recognized me (how frickin' cool is that??) and said it was so good to have me back. I, in return, very happily cheered that I was also happy to be back. I used to go on Wednesday nights. I know that seems an odd time. I mean, you're not close enough to the weekend that if you blow it Friday night or Saturday, you still have time to make it up. I also attend evening meetings which seems like a bad time because you've eaten throughout the day. I realize all of this. But it was the Wednesday, evening meetings I attended before when I lost 40 pounds and I feel a kindred spirit with the people attending. As I sat in the meeting room I looked around at everyone. The thing I notice most about WW meetings is how happy everyone is. They are all really glad to be there and share their stories, ask for advice, give some advice, applaud for those who hit milestones, and encourage those that are experiencing setbacks. But still, there is absolutely not a pinch of negativity in the air. I started reminiscing about the days when I used to attend meetings. If you go to the same meeting each week, people start to remember you. They talk to you, ask about you, and just make you feel so welcome. Very subtley you begin forming a team. You don't realize it when it's happening but when you're there, you feel it.
There's also something about WW meetings that brings out the semi-socialite in me. Oh, I'm not good at going into a room of people and just introducing myself. DH, on the other hand, could walk into a room and walk out 10 minutes later with 50 new friends. Ten minutes later I likely haven't spoken to a single soul. But not as true at WW. While I certainly wouldn't match my husband in his "social butterflying", I do tend to open up. Maybe because it is the one social setting in which I feel the least bit of anxiety. I have a bit more confidence because I'm surrounded by people just like me. I love the new group from last night. There were two waitresses that came together and seemed approximately my age. I sat near them and since the three of us were newbies, we had to stay afterwards for the orientation meeting (as if I really needed it, but I stayed nonetheless- I'm a rule-complier) and I actually talked briefly to them. There is one lady, about my mom's age, who has lost 90 pounds!
I was also amazed at how yesterday I blogged about the need for exercise and guess what the meeting was about? If you said exercise give yourself a round of applause. I didn't start the first week of this new "program", but the first week was committing to (I think this is right) counting points, then tracking points, and this week was about moving. They had some really good ideas that don't involve the whole process of getting ready to exercise. I mean, you know, when you're gonna workout, well, you usually have to change your clothes. If you're a woman, you usually tie back the hair. Then you put on your tennis shoes. You know, the ones for exercising that you hardly wear because you hardly exercise? Those are the ones. By the time you've gotten yourself prepared you realize that the dryer just buzzed, the dishwasher just stopped, and your friend is calling for the third time. You simply can't put any of that off. So you put off exercise. Well, they had some ideas for exercising that don't involve that. For instance, if you park at the end of the parking lot when going to the mall, it may take you five minutes to get inside. Well, you just did 5 minutes of exercise. Then, once you're ready to leave, you have to make that same walk back to your car. That's another 5 minutes. So, you just got 10 minutes of walking under your belt for the day. How easy is that? Simple things you can add to your day. One woman (in WW Weekly- how fun is that?) said that she does some "weight-lifting" while making dinner. While in the kitchen, waiting for things to get done, she will just lift milk jugs for five minutes. I thought that was a pretty cool idea, actually.
For me, I want to get the Sweatin' to the Oldies DVDs. See, I want to do the Wii Fit and I know that I will. But that's something I really have to do when Lainie is asleep. I'm afraid I'm gonna hit or kick her on accident by getting into it. But Lainie loves (and I mean loves) to dance. Even if you just sing, she'll dance. The STTO workouts are not these crazy violent moves. They're very simply and I think Lainie would like the music and dance. So it's something we can sort of do together. Plus (huge bonus) I'm teaching her the importance of moving around, not by telling her to, but by doing it myself and pulling her in. I love it.
That's what I have for now. Happy Eating! Happy Dancing!
There's also something about WW meetings that brings out the semi-socialite in me. Oh, I'm not good at going into a room of people and just introducing myself. DH, on the other hand, could walk into a room and walk out 10 minutes later with 50 new friends. Ten minutes later I likely haven't spoken to a single soul. But not as true at WW. While I certainly wouldn't match my husband in his "social butterflying", I do tend to open up. Maybe because it is the one social setting in which I feel the least bit of anxiety. I have a bit more confidence because I'm surrounded by people just like me. I love the new group from last night. There were two waitresses that came together and seemed approximately my age. I sat near them and since the three of us were newbies, we had to stay afterwards for the orientation meeting (as if I really needed it, but I stayed nonetheless- I'm a rule-complier) and I actually talked briefly to them. There is one lady, about my mom's age, who has lost 90 pounds!
I was also amazed at how yesterday I blogged about the need for exercise and guess what the meeting was about? If you said exercise give yourself a round of applause. I didn't start the first week of this new "program", but the first week was committing to (I think this is right) counting points, then tracking points, and this week was about moving. They had some really good ideas that don't involve the whole process of getting ready to exercise. I mean, you know, when you're gonna workout, well, you usually have to change your clothes. If you're a woman, you usually tie back the hair. Then you put on your tennis shoes. You know, the ones for exercising that you hardly wear because you hardly exercise? Those are the ones. By the time you've gotten yourself prepared you realize that the dryer just buzzed, the dishwasher just stopped, and your friend is calling for the third time. You simply can't put any of that off. So you put off exercise. Well, they had some ideas for exercising that don't involve that. For instance, if you park at the end of the parking lot when going to the mall, it may take you five minutes to get inside. Well, you just did 5 minutes of exercise. Then, once you're ready to leave, you have to make that same walk back to your car. That's another 5 minutes. So, you just got 10 minutes of walking under your belt for the day. How easy is that? Simple things you can add to your day. One woman (in WW Weekly- how fun is that?) said that she does some "weight-lifting" while making dinner. While in the kitchen, waiting for things to get done, she will just lift milk jugs for five minutes. I thought that was a pretty cool idea, actually.
For me, I want to get the Sweatin' to the Oldies DVDs. See, I want to do the Wii Fit and I know that I will. But that's something I really have to do when Lainie is asleep. I'm afraid I'm gonna hit or kick her on accident by getting into it. But Lainie loves (and I mean loves) to dance. Even if you just sing, she'll dance. The STTO workouts are not these crazy violent moves. They're very simply and I think Lainie would like the music and dance. So it's something we can sort of do together. Plus (huge bonus) I'm teaching her the importance of moving around, not by telling her to, but by doing it myself and pulling her in. I love it.
That's what I have for now. Happy Eating! Happy Dancing!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Exercise-aphobic
I have to admit, I hate exercising. I don't mind exercising when I don't know that it's exercise. But I hate to exercise. I have this love-hate relationship with it. I love to hate it. heh heh Ok, I know, I know. It's a necessary evil. Ok, it isn't evil. It's just necessary. It's like dieting. As soon as I tell myself I can't have something, I want it. You know I can live every day without eating a piece of bread but if I were to go on the no/low carb diet, all I'd want is bread. I hate chocolate cake. Really, can't stand it. But if I tell myself I'm no longer allowed to have it, I'm gonna want it. I don't know why my mind works like this. It just does. Well, the same rings true for exercise. If I tell myself that I am going to get up at 6 am and I'm gonna exercise for 30-45 minutes, that is the morning that I absolutely, under no circumstances, can drag myself out of bed. I love the Wii and the Wii Fit games. But as soon as I tell myself I have to start doing them as part of some fitness regimen, I'll start making excuses why I can't do it. I hate this about me, but it's just the truth.
I do want to start exercising and I want to enjoy it. I used to love (as corny as it sounds) doing Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies. It is actually really fun and I love those songs, courtesy of lots of rides to Junior High with my Grandma. I'm gonna look for them on DVD. I really do need to start doing the Wii Fit. For fun even. Just getting up and moving. I'm gonna try to commit. Maybe not commit. Maybe I'll just say I'm gonna do a little less farmin' (on FB- Farmville- I'm a certified addict) and do a little more groovin'.
I'm going to my first WW meeting since rejoining. I rejoined Friday via the internet but you still have to go weigh in. So I will not have lost anything at this point. But I will be losing. I usually get some good recipes at the meetings too so I'll share them when I can. Happy Eating and Exercising! Or, should I say, Groovin'!
I do want to start exercising and I want to enjoy it. I used to love (as corny as it sounds) doing Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies. It is actually really fun and I love those songs, courtesy of lots of rides to Junior High with my Grandma. I'm gonna look for them on DVD. I really do need to start doing the Wii Fit. For fun even. Just getting up and moving. I'm gonna try to commit. Maybe not commit. Maybe I'll just say I'm gonna do a little less farmin' (on FB- Farmville- I'm a certified addict) and do a little more groovin'.
I'm going to my first WW meeting since rejoining. I rejoined Friday via the internet but you still have to go weigh in. So I will not have lost anything at this point. But I will be losing. I usually get some good recipes at the meetings too so I'll share them when I can. Happy Eating and Exercising! Or, should I say, Groovin'!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Lazy Gone Wild
I've been so lazy ever since the Holiday and I have not been able to pull myself out of this slump. I mean, I've actually been eating a bit healthier because I'm trying to teach my baby girl to eat healthy. I do not want her to have my weight loss struggles so I try to give her lots of fruits and veggies. That means I am eating more veggies, not as much of the fruit though.
Anyway, it's not about the dieting part. That part is going ok. It's the exercising part. I've come to the realization (more like "acceptance") that it is absolutely crucial to exercise too. You have to move the body. Building muscle mass will increase metabolism and that is so important for permanent and lasting weight loss. So, I have to move more. We have a Wii fit. There is no reason I can't get up and move. Even with Robb gone through the week now for his new job, when Baby Girl (BG) falls asleep there's no reason I can't shake my groove thing. There are so many good exercises on Wii fit that I could be doing.
Not to mention that my house needs to be cleaned and I just keep sitting here on facebook and blogging and not getting stuff done like I need to. So, I am committing to no Facebook tomorrow (until the evening) when all the work is done. I'm gonna stay off of the computer tomorrow and get stuff done. I used to be so good at keeping my house absolutely perfect. I'd just put a movie in, you know, one that you have watched a million times so you don't have to pay direct attention to it. You can just listen while you work? I am going to pick out some good movies and get some work done. Plus, it'll get me off my fat keister and we all know that fat keister needs to get moved around. I think it's starting to take the shape of my recliner. Not good.
I haven't gone to a meeting yet, but I have rejoined WW. I started online. I will go to my first meeting Wednesday and I can't tell you how excited I am. So, here's to moving my rear and losing some weight.
Anyway, it's not about the dieting part. That part is going ok. It's the exercising part. I've come to the realization (more like "acceptance") that it is absolutely crucial to exercise too. You have to move the body. Building muscle mass will increase metabolism and that is so important for permanent and lasting weight loss. So, I have to move more. We have a Wii fit. There is no reason I can't get up and move. Even with Robb gone through the week now for his new job, when Baby Girl (BG) falls asleep there's no reason I can't shake my groove thing. There are so many good exercises on Wii fit that I could be doing.
Not to mention that my house needs to be cleaned and I just keep sitting here on facebook and blogging and not getting stuff done like I need to. So, I am committing to no Facebook tomorrow (until the evening) when all the work is done. I'm gonna stay off of the computer tomorrow and get stuff done. I used to be so good at keeping my house absolutely perfect. I'd just put a movie in, you know, one that you have watched a million times so you don't have to pay direct attention to it. You can just listen while you work? I am going to pick out some good movies and get some work done. Plus, it'll get me off my fat keister and we all know that fat keister needs to get moved around. I think it's starting to take the shape of my recliner. Not good.
I haven't gone to a meeting yet, but I have rejoined WW. I started online. I will go to my first meeting Wednesday and I can't tell you how excited I am. So, here's to moving my rear and losing some weight.
Friday, January 15, 2010
At the Beginning
So, guess what? If you guessed that this fat chic re-joined Weight Watchers and did a little fat-chic happy dance, when you've got it!! Ding! Ding! Ding!
As of today I'm back on WW, my friends. So, what does that mean for you? It means that this Dieting Diva is gonna have new posts, new polls, new recipes, and NEW STORIES!! Hip hip hooray!
I finally decided that I need the meetings. There's just nothing like ringing that bell. But even cooler? I know, you can't imagine anything cooler than me and joining of WW, but there is! I joined with the monthly pass online which means I get the best of both worlds. I get the meetings, the accountability, the ringing of bells, the stickers, THE APPLAUSE!! Then on here I get to share stories, goals, accomplishments, humor, and the like. I know some people have probably begun their New Year's Resolutions and some may endeavor to lose weight. Let's do it together!
Stay tuned! My first meeting will be next week I think. I'll report back!
As of today I'm back on WW, my friends. So, what does that mean for you? It means that this Dieting Diva is gonna have new posts, new polls, new recipes, and NEW STORIES!! Hip hip hooray!
I finally decided that I need the meetings. There's just nothing like ringing that bell. But even cooler? I know, you can't imagine anything cooler than me and joining of WW, but there is! I joined with the monthly pass online which means I get the best of both worlds. I get the meetings, the accountability, the ringing of bells, the stickers, THE APPLAUSE!! Then on here I get to share stories, goals, accomplishments, humor, and the like. I know some people have probably begun their New Year's Resolutions and some may endeavor to lose weight. Let's do it together!
Stay tuned! My first meeting will be next week I think. I'll report back!
Friday, January 1, 2010
It's All Gonna Be New
Hello! Hi! Bon Jour! Hola! Here I am! Were you looking for me? Have you missed me? Well, I have missed you! I have. Really.
First and foremost, this does in fact mean that I am issuing a return to my blogging ways as well as to my original plan of losing weight. Also, as some may know, my Robb has gotten a job in St. Charles and we are relocating. Now, nothing official for me just yet. He's gonna give it some time before we go moving.
So, while the cat is gone, this mouse is gonna play. Play, meaning return to Weight Watchers. Not just the plan, either. I'm going back to meetings! I need them so desperately. I tried blogging for my accountability and to no avail. This Diet Diva needs the meetings. I need to ring a frickin' bell, people!!
I do promise complete honesty. As we speak I'm laying my hand over my heart (after I put down the McDonald's fries I'm having for dinner) and swearing to complete honesty. Today is my last day of freedom. As my best friend pointed out to the world, this is the beginning of a new decade. A decade! Anything can happen now. That anything for me is to get healthy! It doesn't matter how long it takes to get the ultimate goal weight. What matters is, I'm gonna do it. For real.
So, join me if you will on a decade long adventure to health! Here's to you!
First and foremost, this does in fact mean that I am issuing a return to my blogging ways as well as to my original plan of losing weight. Also, as some may know, my Robb has gotten a job in St. Charles and we are relocating. Now, nothing official for me just yet. He's gonna give it some time before we go moving.
So, while the cat is gone, this mouse is gonna play. Play, meaning return to Weight Watchers. Not just the plan, either. I'm going back to meetings! I need them so desperately. I tried blogging for my accountability and to no avail. This Diet Diva needs the meetings. I need to ring a frickin' bell, people!!
I do promise complete honesty. As we speak I'm laying my hand over my heart (after I put down the McDonald's fries I'm having for dinner) and swearing to complete honesty. Today is my last day of freedom. As my best friend pointed out to the world, this is the beginning of a new decade. A decade! Anything can happen now. That anything for me is to get healthy! It doesn't matter how long it takes to get the ultimate goal weight. What matters is, I'm gonna do it. For real.
So, join me if you will on a decade long adventure to health! Here's to you!
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