That Scale Jumped Up

 To say that last week was a really rough week for me (and I'm speaking in terms of WW week, not a regular week) would be an understatement. It wasn't rough. It was finding yourself smack dab in the eye of a hurricane rough. Plus, it was super hectic. Run here, get there, do this, don't forget that. Lots and lots of stuff. I'm not having a pity party- I promise! What I realized is, this is just how life tends to go. Pretend I'm a super thin woman that has never once had to worry about weight and going through my week. She might snack a bit here and there and gain a pound or 1.4 to be exact. Oh well, she says, it's because of the fact I didn't really pay attention to what I was eating last week but I'll do better this week. That 1.4 pounds falls off of her. No sweat. Such is life for the overweight woman who has truly dedicated herself to a life of healthy eating.
 In case you haven't guessed it, that 1.4 pounds I'm talking about is how much I gained this week. To be honest, I knew I'd have a gain. Between stress and work and life in general (and not having access to my WW books which I left at home and having no internet access for the entirety of the weekend) I didn't pay as close of attention to what I was eating as I should have. I sipped way too many Cokes while staying at my MIL's house. I was hoping that gain would be less than 2 pounds and so it was. I'm not devastated. I'm really ok. I forgive myself that 1.4 because it could have been a lot worse. I was still somewhat aware of what I was eating so I didn't abandon everything I've learned over the past month. This is a good thing.

 At my last WW meeting, a woman said that she had finally reached "lifetime" which is accomplished when one reaches their goal weight and maintains it for 6 weeks. All anyone wanted to know was how long it took her to get there. I like her response- "it doesn't matter how long it takes, it just matters that it takes". I love that. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to your goal. What matters is that it takes, that it sticks. That everything you've learned sticks with you. Obviously, things I'm learning are already sticking. Saturday I ate at the Hard Rock Cafe in St. Louis. Everyone got big juicy cheeseburgers and fries. I opted for the veggie burger and a salad with light balsamic vinaigrette. Do I regret not eating a cheeseburger and fries? Not at all. (Although I'm just a little starving right now and it sounds sooo good) That's my new secret weapon to fight off the impulse-eating. Tomorrow, will I regret not eating this or that or will I be glad I didn't? All of those Cokes I drank, in the moment I just "had to have one". But today, I'm thinking, wow, I wish I hadn't. I need water. It's a process. But I am well on my way.

 Happy Thursday (which means tomorrow's Friday- yee haw!)! Happy Eating!

Undeserved Break

 I so didn't deserve the loss I had last night. Nonetheless, I had a loss. And it was a good loss. I lost 2.6 pounds, got to ring the bell, made my first 10, and I'm 1.6 pounds from my first personal goal! And that very well may happen next week. Also, get this, this so cracks me up. On WW online where I enter my weight, they tell me I'm losing too fast and I need to slow it down. hahahahahahahahahahaha This makes me laugh so frickin' hard. I don't think I've ever been told to slow down my weight loss. I'm averaging 3 pounds a week and they would like it to be 2 pounds per week. Well, listen here WW online! I refuse to lose slower. Sorry! When you have as much weight as I have to lose, the quicker you start getting down, the better. =)

 I needed it. After having a bit of heartache yesterday, having such a great loss was really a good pick-me-up for my soul. As was the Big Mac and fries I had for dinner. Funny thing is- I didn't go over my daily points in consuming said BM and F. I was a wee bit stressed during the day and didn't really eat. So I had tons of points left. Even better, my mama brought Lainie back to me after a small road trip visiting family. So she ate dinner with me and it was nice. I needed that too. What's more (yes, I know, it keeps getting better) my mom told me that she has gained back 18 pounds of what she lost and that she knows it wouldnt' be hard to lose so she wants to do it before it becomes more. She wants me to hold her accountable and ask her about stuff and she said she'd do the same for me. I would encourage her to go to WW, but I can honestly say it isn't for her. Not that it wouldn't work for her. It works for anyone who puts their  heart into it. But the idea of counting points is a huge turn off to her. She's more likely to try to cut down portions and eat only when hungry, stop when satisfied. That's her thing. Either way, I'm happy she wants to "lose together".

 Well, that's all I have for now! I brought milk today so that I could make tomato soup (because, let's face it, you have to make tomato soup with milk- duh!) and I brought 2 slices of my whole grain bread (1 point for 2 slices), my Brummel & Brown fake butter, and a green pepper and ranch dip for a snack. I planned well. For dinner tonight, we're eating salmon and probably broccoli. Maybe cauliflower. I haven't decided.

 Happy Thursday! Happy Victory (if you've had one)! Happy Eating!

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Drama Queen

Geesh. You'd think that a woman would be grateful for having one night of peace and quiet to herself. With Lost on (watching both last week's ep with the juicy tidbits popping up on-screen and the new one) and Damages from the night before, you'd think that I would be in heaven getting to watch these shows relatively uninterrupted. Well, at least without the distraction of a one-year old and a husband. I did it to myself. I built it up in my mind all day long. Knowing my baby girl wasn't coming home and knowing that my hubby is in St. Charles, I desperately missed them all day. So once I actually got home, I was "home-sick". My home was empty and I felt so alone. It's ridiculous. I realize that I'm a grown woman. I should have relished my alone time. I didn't. I sat there, anxiety-filled, all night. I watched my shows. But I was still so anxious. For what? I don't know. I have a problem with anxiety sometimes. I think I spent so many years being afraid of being alone forever that being alone returns me to that time and I am afraid of it. Afraid of being alone. And it's so silly, now, sitting here on the other side of it.

 The confession I have to make is this- I ate my anxiety. I didn't got terribly overboard. I did eat more than my daily points...meaning I got into weekly points and I had few to use. It's Weighs-Day. I'm now afraid of the scales. I'm near certain I'll have a gain, even if it's slight. I have to learn to get this under control. To further confess, anxiety-eating is my biggest fault. Sure, I eat my boredom, I overeat when the food is just too good to stop. I didn't get to my current size and weight by just overeating a bit here and there. Nope. I eat my feelings. But anxiety is the worse. It's as if the more I stuff into my mouth, the more I'm stuffing the anxiety down and I don't have to feel that way anymore. It's a ridiculous cycle. I don't necessarily feel anxious all the time. But when it hits, like last night, I really feel a bit out of control. For instance, when I got home I hated it. I wanted to cry (yes, I realize how crazy I sound). So, I popped open the box of Hersheys Snacksters and ate darn near 3 packs. Really, I was eating the chocolate chips out of them. Then I popped open a box of the chocolate covered pretzel 100 cal packs. I ate 2 of the packs. I couldn't stop. Realistically, I ate about 7 points right there and I had eaten so well during the day that I had like 18 points leftover so even after I ate the chocolate points I still had 11 left. Gosh, 11 points is a good-sized healthy dinner and snacks later. Instead of cooking for myself, which I have a tendency not to do when it's just me, I ate crackers dipped in dressing. Stupid, but I love it. It was one of my staples in law school (there was no time for cooking). But seriously, not a good meal idea for one who is weight watching.

 So, I've confessed to my slip ups. From now on, I think when I know I'm going to be alone, what I need to do is take out a couple of chicken breasts the morning of and put them in the crockpot with some good seasoning. Maybe some FF Italian dressing as a sort of marinade. Or maybe some cajun seasoning. That way, all I have to do is open a can of spinach or throw some frozen broccoli on the stove and add a veggie quick and easy to a meal that's pretty well done. I need to be prepared for those situations.

 Well, Happy Eating! Happy Weighing! Happy Middle-of-the-Week!

Feeling Better

 So this morning I woke up feeling better. I don't feel necessarily thin. But I feel better. I feel less "fat". As in, bloated and disgusting. Pretty much the way most women feel during their "monthly event". heh heh Anyway, I feel more capable of staying on track. I also feel a whole heck of a lot less head-hungry. I think that's also one of those things that happens once a month. You just feel like a bottomless pit and nothing that's actually good for you sounds any good. Chocolate. Soothing, sweet chocolate. That's all I wanted all weekend. I ate 2 Cabury Caramel eggs. Sinfully good. I love Cadbury chocolate. It is, hands down, my all-time fave. I used to love regular Cadbury eggs but since they introduced us to those delectable, caramel-filled goodies, I rarely revert back. What's nice about those eggs is, if you enjoy them nice and slow, they are very rich and satifying on the choco-meter!
 Am I still craving chocolate? Oh, yeah! I could eat chocolate with every meal for the rest of my life and be happy (if not for the pesky pounds, cholesterol, and assortment of general bad health that come along with eating like that). But, what's good is I feel like I have my "power" back. I'm speaking of the power that I feel when I know I can and will make the right food choices. Why, already today I've eaten a banana, one whole green bell pepper dipped in light ranch dressing, a WW meal, and I ate a Hershey's Snacksters 100 cal pack. Well within a respectable amount of points. I've consumed about 3 servings of veggies between the pepper and the meal. I've had one fruit. I've also indulged in just a touch of chocolate. Enough to sustain me. Everything I've chosen, save the chocolate, are filling foods which is someting WW encourages. So, I'm doing pretty darn good so far today. I haven't figured out dinner tonight, which can present a problem. But, I'm leaning toward chicken tacos (a low-point fave) and maybe even some popcorn while I watch my Lost (and Damages from last night). BG is off to Grandma's for the night and the hubby is back in St. Charles. So it's just me and Tankers to hold down the fort.
 I also have a small confession. I wanted a reality check this morning so I did what I'm not supposed to do. That's right. I weighed. Although, I feel no shame. It did me some good. I was fully expecting to see the scales go up. But instead, they were down. Not a whole lot. Just a bit over a pound. But that was a pretty encouraging way to get this day started right. What would I have done if they had gone up? I don't know. Don't have to worry about that today.
 Weighs-Day is tomorrow. I'm just hoping for a .2 loss so I can make my first 10. I'll get to ring the bell and get another sticker. I'll also be only 4 pounds away from a first personal goal. I'm good with that.

Happy Eating! Happy Fat Tuesday!

When the Going Gets Tough

 You know that old saying- when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Unfortunately for me, this week, the tough didn't get going, the tough got eating. I mean, I haven't entirely blown it or anything. But I've used all of my daily points in a bad way. The truth is, I tried very hard to stay encouraged after having a 1 pound loss. I really did. The problem is that I felt fatter. Ok, so thin and fat here are relative terms, not actual terms. I am not thin. But losing 4 pounds one week and 4.8 pounds the next, I felt thinner. So, losing just one pound, for some reason, I felt fatter. My body hasn't significantly changed. But it's the way I've felt. I think that a certain monthly "event" happening this week didn't help. Notice (ladies, anyway) how when that week happens you feel fat? I just feel gross this week. So, I have over-eaten. Like I said, I've used weekly points. But still, not in a good way. I've been using them to eat the emotional roller coaster that is this "monthly event".
 I'm afraid of a gain this week. I really am. I  hate when I feel "off". I feel off this week. I'm afraid of not getting that momentum back. But I have to. I just have to get back up on my feet. I mean, that "monthly event" will be over and maybe I won't feel so "fat".
 So, Happy Week! Happy Eating!

One-Pound Blessing

 It was inevitable. After two weeks of these huge weight losses (hey- 4 pounds the first and 4.8 the second are pretty big losses), what did I expect? For starters, I expected more than a pound. I needed to lose 1.2 pounds to make it to 10. I would have rang the bell two weeks in a row. That would have been something. But, it was a pound. Just one measley pound. I was disappointed. I felt myself shrink in confidence as I made my way to my seat. I even felt like bursting into tears. When I thought about blogging about tonight's loss I thought of several different titles. One-Pound Slap in the Face. One-Pound Reality Check. Those are just two of the titles I was pondering.

 Then I started thinking about what that ONE pound really meant. It means I'm doing something right. If I was doing something wrong that would have been a plus one (or more) rather than a minus one. It means that I'm on the right track. I'm moving forward and the scales are still moving downward. It may be only a pound. But it could have been nothing at all. Or worse- a gain! A gain would mean that weight I worked hard to lose over the past two weeks was gained back. I'm getting closer to my goal. I'm moving toward my goal one pound at a time. This is one of those pounds. It isn't a tragedy. It's a triumph. It's not a "slap in the face". It's a blessing. It's an accomplishment. In three weeks I've lost nearly 10 pounds. Only .2 away from 10. It's still an average of a little over 3 pounds a week. That's quite something.

 So, I didn't ring the bell tonight. So what? It just means I'll ring it next week. Will I? I think so. Considering the smallest one can lose according to the scales is .2, any loss will get me there because that's all I have to get to 10 pounds. I'm currently 4.2 pounds away from my first goal. That's something. The bell will be there next week. And the week after. And after. It's gonna be there and I'm gonna be ringing it. I ring it for every 5 pounds. One week it might be 4 pounds that gets me there. One week it might be less than a pound. Either way, I'm losing weight. That's what is important. I'm doing what I've set out to do. For Lainie. For Robb. For me. Especially for me.

 So that pound....it's my blessing. I love that pound gone. I'm proud of that pound gone. Happy Eating!

I Must Be Shrinking

My jeans are looser. How much looser you might ask? Loose enough that I can now put them in the dryer! Yee haw! I'm just feeling better in general. I have a lot more confidence and it's so nice. Tomorrow is Weighs-Day and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Don't worry- I'm not actually hoping for another 4 pound + loss but I am hoping for enough to make my first 10 pounds. That would be so amazing! Three weeks, 10 pounds and I'm not even on some crazy Hollywood diet. This woman has been E-A-T-I-N-G!!!! Oh yes, she has.

So, weigh-in tomorrow! Happy Eating!

My Own Super Bowl Victory

 The Saints weren't the only winners yesterday! (Although I was extremely happy they won!) Let me take you on a tour of my Super Bowls past. For the most part, I never really was much of a football watcher until I started getting invited each year to super bowl parties at a couple's house. The husband makes the world's most amazing dips. No joke. Then there's the wings. The Lil' Smokies wrapped in anything and everything unhealthy- crescent rolls, bacon, barbeque sauce, etc. I'm such a sucker for those little guys. I ate and ate until the button on my pants shot open for dear life. And then I ate some more. Point value eaten- probably somewhere around 1000! *heh heh*

 So, this year, I had to tackle eating healthier while still enjoying the SB fare. Well, I scoured the WW website for any recipes that would be SB-worthy and point-friendly. What I found were some delectable goodies with point values to cheer about! I also had the very good fortune of finding Lil' Smokies made with turkey meat! Can you even believe it? With a fat gram count of 4 (as opposed to the full-fat version's 14grams) these little suckers were a-maz-ing! So, here is the SB recipes, just for your eating pleasure.

Pepperoni Pizza Potato Skins

2- large baking potatoes, baked, quartered length-wise
1/3- cup mozzarella cheese, fat free
1/3- cup pizza sauce
2- oz. turkey pepperonis, chopped

Scoop off the top 1/2 to 2/3 of the potatoes. Add pizza sauce, pepperonis, and cheese. Bake in a preheated oven at 425 degrees for approximately 6-7 minutes, or until cheese is all melted.

Serving size: 2 quarters  Point Value: 2

Mmmm.....delicious. I used the remaining pizza sauce to dip them in!


Crescent Roll Lil' Turkey Smokies

1- can crescent rolls
1- package Lil' Turkey Smokies

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Each individual crescent roll dough should be divided into 5 pieces. Wrap each Lil' Turkey Smokie. Bake for 11-13 minutes, or until crescent dough is baked through.

These babies are about 1 point each.

Note: If you substitute the reduced-fat crescent rolls I'm sure that the points would be better. I just couldn't find any. Too many reduced fat-crescent roll hogs at my market apparently!


Sausage & Salsa Creamy Warm Dip

1- lb sausage, cooked
1- cup salsa
1- block light cream cheese, room temp

Put all ingredients in a crock pot on high until all cream cheese has melted and you can stir to combine. Then put on your lowest setting. You should use a small crock pot if you have one. Otherwise, use a small pot on the stove and keep on low. But keep stirring!

Servings: 8     Point Value: 4

It's hefty in the point-department, I do realize. However, this dip is heavenly. You could reduce the points further by using fat-free cream cheese (which I think is unnatural, but if you like it, use it) and reduced-fat sausage (which I love but couldn't find- additional hogs at the super market). Next time, I may try the *gag* fat-free cream cheese at the risk of ruining a whole batch of creamy goodness. I'm definitely gonna hunt down reduced-fat sausage.

Enjoy these delectable goodies at your next appe-teaser event! Happy Eating!

Just Keep Swimming...

 This week I posted about feeling fatter. And I really did. I just had this week where I just felt fat. Probably because I wasn't able to choose healthy foods a whole lot for one reason or another. I mean, I was 100% faithful to point counting and I mean it. I was so careful. But I still felt fat. So, imagine my surprise when I went to WW last night. But first, let me back up a bit.

 If you recall, when one loses 5 pounds (not just the first, but subsequent 5 pounds too) he or she gets the honor of ringing "the bell". It's a bell you might find at a hotel on the check-in counter for you to ring if no one is there. So this is a loud bell. A bell you slam your fist down on and they hear it in Australia. It's like giving the bell a five when you ring it. It's sort of magical. Probably because it matters so much. When meetings first start the first thing the leader looks for is "who rang the bell?". Last week was my first week on the WW program for the new year. I lost 4 pounds last week, quite a triumph I must say. So all I needed was one stinking pound in order to ring that bell.

 Only problem- remember how I was feeling fat? I reported to you faithful readers (might just be reader- singular and that one reader might be me, but oh well) that I cheated and weighed myself Monday. Well, I cheated again Tuesday and even yesterday, Weighs-Day. I weighed each morning and each morning my weight was exactly the same. So, I was very discouraged each morning that I wasn't going to lose. Maybe even have a gain. All I needed was 1 pound.

 The first twinge of self-doubt crept in over the weekend. I felt like I was eating bad. Now, again, I counted the points. I did. I have to. The second I gorge on the points and then just say "oh, I'll just say I used all my flex points" and I don't actually count them and write them down, for some reason this is like detonating a bomb on my diet. So, through the discouragment I was feeling I started telling myself this- "Just keep swimmming...just keep swimming". You know, from Finding Nemo? Dori sings that and it's such a fun movie and she is such a fun character. I heard her voice ringing through my head in those moments of doubt. Just keep swimming. So, I did.

 I swam all the way to the WW scale and said to the weigh-in lady, "I just need one pound to ring the bell and I really hope I get to." She looks at her screen (it's all computerized and high-tech, fancy-schmancy and you can't see the weight for yourself). She says to me, "well, you lost 4.8 pounds". I didn't cheer. I slunked. I felt my whole body just crumble in defeat. I was only .2 pounds away from that glorious bell ringing. The weigh-in lady said, "honey, you didn't lose .8 pounds. You lost 4.8. You lost 8.8 total!" After I finished picking my jaw up off the floor I clapped my hands like a little school girl and said, "reeeeelly???" in this high-pitched, squeaky, I'm-about-to-scream-in-joy voice and she said, "honey, ring that bell! Ring it twice!!" You can bet your bottom dollar that I rang it twice. Two fives for the bell!

 I was so excited I could barely contain myself. I'd never had two big losses in back to back weeks like this. I texted my hubby. I texted my mom. I texted my brother. I texted my Bestie. Then I posted it on Facebook. All within about a minute of sitting down for the meeting. When the leader asked for bell-ringers I thrust my arm in the air with pride, told of my victory and basked in the applause and praise. Ahhhhh. Victory. Sweet victory.

 This is an important victory though, not just because of the huge, massive loss (hehe) but because I kept swimming. Whenever I start to get discouraged I'm going to remember this week. The week where I felt fatter. Felt discouraged. Even had moments of feeling like I'll never get to my goal. But I kept swimming and lost more than I would ever have put money on. This Diet Diva is gonna keep on swimming!

 Happy Thursday-it's-almost-Friday! Happy Eating! Happy Swimming!

Feeling Fatter

 So, I have watched my points like a hawk. I really have. Whenever I cook anything I make sure that I enter into the nifty "Recipe Builder" that WW website has for those subscribed to the online tools. It's great because it calculates all of the points for you.
 Well, like I said, a hawk. So, this morning, I cheated again. Cheated as in, I weighed. The scales read the exact same number as yesterday and it makes me feel, well, fatter. I mean, I'm fat to begin with but somehow, when I'm losing weight, I magically feel thinner. I mean, I know I'm not significantly thinner or anything like that. It'll take a bit of time before weight loss really starts showing. But, I feel thinner. So, seeing the scales not budge this morning makes me feel fatter. I just feel fat. Not confident at all.
 This is exactly why I'm not supposed to be weighing myself through the week. Any number of things can make weight fluctuate, even in one day. Last night my dinner was rather salty which means that I could be retaining a bit of water due to the salt. It happens.
 So, I need to stop cheating. I'm still excited about Weighs-Day tomorrow. I still know I'll lose. I'm hoping for 2 pounds, although 1 is enough for me to ring the bell. I've set a goal for myself that I want to lose 15 pounds total by the first weigh-in in March. That gives me 5 weigh-ins, including the one on that first Wednesday in March. I've already lost 4, so I only need to lose 11 more. I think I can do that in 5 weigh-ins. After all, it's just 2 pounds a week.
 So, Happy Tuesday! Happy Eating! And Happy Weigh-In Tomorrow!!

Here Comes the Sun...Dittle Dee Dee

 Well, I did see the sun briefly this glorious a.m. I mean, I realize it's a Monday, for crying out loud, but it has been a relatively productive Monday. It actually doesn't feel like Monday to me. I got up earlier than usual, got everything done I needed to, got myself and the baby girl ready on time, to the sitter and then to work. I came in to the office, which immediately let off the smell of brewing coffee. Now, that's the way Mondays should go.
 As I sit here sipping morning coffee, with less and less sugar as time goes by, I'm reflecting on the weekend and how I felt that I ate so horribly. Now, I counted every single point. So, it's not as if I went rogue for the weekend and lost control. I didn't. But, I ate pancakes, bacon and eggs yesterday and that makes me feel like I've done something horribly wrong. Sure, I counted the points. Sure, I didn't go over my daily points yesterday at all. It just amazes me that one can consume said breakfast and still lose weight. Well, this morning, I got on the scales. Yes, I know, I know. I cheated. I'm not supposed to do that until Wednesday and only at WW. Well, I just wanted to see where I was. According to the scales, from the last time I weighed on the home scales (which was last week, either Monday or Tuesday) I'm down 3 pounds. So, I continue to lose weight and I continue to be amazed.
 I love being so committed to weight loss. I love the feeling of being so motivated. I'm enjoying the "honeymoon" phase of it all because I know that the time will come (though probably not for a while) when I may plateau and Jiminy Cricket won't be on my shoulder telling me the right thing to eat. I'll just have to dig my heels in and not give up. For now though, I'm gonna enjoy the ease of being fresh into WW and losing weight.
 So, Happy Monday! Happy Week! Happy Eating!