Bad Girl, Bad Girl, Whatchya Gonna Do?

Bad. I've been bad. I got off track last week due to some pretty heavy stressors and just can't seem to get back on track. I want to. I think not getting back on track has been a combination of coming down with a chest cold (which equals exhaustion and not really caring about things) and not having healthy food around the house. I've needed to grocery shop for a while now. I've been avoiding life since stress came.

The thing is, I hate the way I feel when I'm eating what I want. Don't get me wrong- I'm not gorging myself or anything. I notice I actually can't eat as much as I could before starting WW. But physically, I don't feel good and I'm not talking because of the cold. I just feel heavy and tired and poopy. That's a good way to describe it- poopy! I'm glad to see this difference though because it is quickly driving me straight back into the WW-loving arms. Robb is grocery shopping as we speak and on that list is nothing but the veggie goodness I need to have on hand. I will get better. I'm not giving up. Too many important reasons to do this- the first of which is Lainie Lou.

Feel free to keep me accountable!

That Scale Jumped Up

 To say that last week was a really rough week for me (and I'm speaking in terms of WW week, not a regular week) would be an understatement. It wasn't rough. It was finding yourself smack dab in the eye of a hurricane rough. Plus, it was super hectic. Run here, get there, do this, don't forget that. Lots and lots of stuff. I'm not having a pity party- I promise! What I realized is, this is just how life tends to go. Pretend I'm a super thin woman that has never once had to worry about weight and going through my week. She might snack a bit here and there and gain a pound or 1.4 to be exact. Oh well, she says, it's because of the fact I didn't really pay attention to what I was eating last week but I'll do better this week. That 1.4 pounds falls off of her. No sweat. Such is life for the overweight woman who has truly dedicated herself to a life of healthy eating.
 In case you haven't guessed it, that 1.4 pounds I'm talking about is how much I gained this week. To be honest, I knew I'd have a gain. Between stress and work and life in general (and not having access to my WW books which I left at home and having no internet access for the entirety of the weekend) I didn't pay as close of attention to what I was eating as I should have. I sipped way too many Cokes while staying at my MIL's house. I was hoping that gain would be less than 2 pounds and so it was. I'm not devastated. I'm really ok. I forgive myself that 1.4 because it could have been a lot worse. I was still somewhat aware of what I was eating so I didn't abandon everything I've learned over the past month. This is a good thing.

 At my last WW meeting, a woman said that she had finally reached "lifetime" which is accomplished when one reaches their goal weight and maintains it for 6 weeks. All anyone wanted to know was how long it took her to get there. I like her response- "it doesn't matter how long it takes, it just matters that it takes". I love that. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to your goal. What matters is that it takes, that it sticks. That everything you've learned sticks with you. Obviously, things I'm learning are already sticking. Saturday I ate at the Hard Rock Cafe in St. Louis. Everyone got big juicy cheeseburgers and fries. I opted for the veggie burger and a salad with light balsamic vinaigrette. Do I regret not eating a cheeseburger and fries? Not at all. (Although I'm just a little starving right now and it sounds sooo good) That's my new secret weapon to fight off the impulse-eating. Tomorrow, will I regret not eating this or that or will I be glad I didn't? All of those Cokes I drank, in the moment I just "had to have one". But today, I'm thinking, wow, I wish I hadn't. I need water. It's a process. But I am well on my way.

 Happy Thursday (which means tomorrow's Friday- yee haw!)! Happy Eating!

Undeserved Break

 I so didn't deserve the loss I had last night. Nonetheless, I had a loss. And it was a good loss. I lost 2.6 pounds, got to ring the bell, made my first 10, and I'm 1.6 pounds from my first personal goal! And that very well may happen next week. Also, get this, this so cracks me up. On WW online where I enter my weight, they tell me I'm losing too fast and I need to slow it down. hahahahahahahahahahaha This makes me laugh so frickin' hard. I don't think I've ever been told to slow down my weight loss. I'm averaging 3 pounds a week and they would like it to be 2 pounds per week. Well, listen here WW online! I refuse to lose slower. Sorry! When you have as much weight as I have to lose, the quicker you start getting down, the better. =)

 I needed it. After having a bit of heartache yesterday, having such a great loss was really a good pick-me-up for my soul. As was the Big Mac and fries I had for dinner. Funny thing is- I didn't go over my daily points in consuming said BM and F. I was a wee bit stressed during the day and didn't really eat. So I had tons of points left. Even better, my mama brought Lainie back to me after a small road trip visiting family. So she ate dinner with me and it was nice. I needed that too. What's more (yes, I know, it keeps getting better) my mom told me that she has gained back 18 pounds of what she lost and that she knows it wouldnt' be hard to lose so she wants to do it before it becomes more. She wants me to hold her accountable and ask her about stuff and she said she'd do the same for me. I would encourage her to go to WW, but I can honestly say it isn't for her. Not that it wouldn't work for her. It works for anyone who puts their  heart into it. But the idea of counting points is a huge turn off to her. She's more likely to try to cut down portions and eat only when hungry, stop when satisfied. That's her thing. Either way, I'm happy she wants to "lose together".

 Well, that's all I have for now! I brought milk today so that I could make tomato soup (because, let's face it, you have to make tomato soup with milk- duh!) and I brought 2 slices of my whole grain bread (1 point for 2 slices), my Brummel & Brown fake butter, and a green pepper and ranch dip for a snack. I planned well. For dinner tonight, we're eating salmon and probably broccoli. Maybe cauliflower. I haven't decided.

 Happy Thursday! Happy Victory (if you've had one)! Happy Eating!

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Drama Queen

Geesh. You'd think that a woman would be grateful for having one night of peace and quiet to herself. With Lost on (watching both last week's ep with the juicy tidbits popping up on-screen and the new one) and Damages from the night before, you'd think that I would be in heaven getting to watch these shows relatively uninterrupted. Well, at least without the distraction of a one-year old and a husband. I did it to myself. I built it up in my mind all day long. Knowing my baby girl wasn't coming home and knowing that my hubby is in St. Charles, I desperately missed them all day. So once I actually got home, I was "home-sick". My home was empty and I felt so alone. It's ridiculous. I realize that I'm a grown woman. I should have relished my alone time. I didn't. I sat there, anxiety-filled, all night. I watched my shows. But I was still so anxious. For what? I don't know. I have a problem with anxiety sometimes. I think I spent so many years being afraid of being alone forever that being alone returns me to that time and I am afraid of it. Afraid of being alone. And it's so silly, now, sitting here on the other side of it.

 The confession I have to make is this- I ate my anxiety. I didn't got terribly overboard. I did eat more than my daily points...meaning I got into weekly points and I had few to use. It's Weighs-Day. I'm now afraid of the scales. I'm near certain I'll have a gain, even if it's slight. I have to learn to get this under control. To further confess, anxiety-eating is my biggest fault. Sure, I eat my boredom, I overeat when the food is just too good to stop. I didn't get to my current size and weight by just overeating a bit here and there. Nope. I eat my feelings. But anxiety is the worse. It's as if the more I stuff into my mouth, the more I'm stuffing the anxiety down and I don't have to feel that way anymore. It's a ridiculous cycle. I don't necessarily feel anxious all the time. But when it hits, like last night, I really feel a bit out of control. For instance, when I got home I hated it. I wanted to cry (yes, I realize how crazy I sound). So, I popped open the box of Hersheys Snacksters and ate darn near 3 packs. Really, I was eating the chocolate chips out of them. Then I popped open a box of the chocolate covered pretzel 100 cal packs. I ate 2 of the packs. I couldn't stop. Realistically, I ate about 7 points right there and I had eaten so well during the day that I had like 18 points leftover so even after I ate the chocolate points I still had 11 left. Gosh, 11 points is a good-sized healthy dinner and snacks later. Instead of cooking for myself, which I have a tendency not to do when it's just me, I ate crackers dipped in dressing. Stupid, but I love it. It was one of my staples in law school (there was no time for cooking). But seriously, not a good meal idea for one who is weight watching.

 So, I've confessed to my slip ups. From now on, I think when I know I'm going to be alone, what I need to do is take out a couple of chicken breasts the morning of and put them in the crockpot with some good seasoning. Maybe some FF Italian dressing as a sort of marinade. Or maybe some cajun seasoning. That way, all I have to do is open a can of spinach or throw some frozen broccoli on the stove and add a veggie quick and easy to a meal that's pretty well done. I need to be prepared for those situations.

 Well, Happy Eating! Happy Weighing! Happy Middle-of-the-Week!